Don't worry I don't mind being lectured, most of the time I'm in NEED of a good talking to. I hear you about moderation being the key, unfortunately for me that word is not in my vocabulary. At least for now.
Tonight was my first night with no booze in a week, I feel really positive about it Instead of drinking I went for late session at the gym, I had the place to myself as there no one around, was excellent stress relief, I couldn't recommend it more highly. Juicing up my favorite juice now - apple, carrot, ginger, beetroot in a slowpress, yum yum, a good replacement for beer I reckon.
I've been on the road heaps, no big tours or anything, but I've been riding out to the coast and the various little townships scattered around this part of the world. For me it's been seriously therapeutic, just filling up a tank, pulling onto the highway, opening it up and watching the world roll by.
36 days Clean from opiates and benzos
90 days + clean from ice
3 weeks from cigarettes
1 day for booze.
WTF happened to the old me? Damn. I guess the two months in rehab is actually paying off, very grateful to look at that little list from this side of the fence, it's been a while coming!
So I am doing the crazy loner thing here in Aotearoa, Land of the Long White Cloud (aka New Zealand), my temporary home and place of refuge. I escaped here to break ties with the scene and people back in Australia and to give my two months in rehab some legs and it seems to working wonders.
Between the gym, the running trails around town and my motorbike, I've been pretty successful at shutting out the thoughts of using and have been really quite content doing my own thing. Enjoying the simple things I guess, taking time to smell the roses and all that shit.
My old friend anxiety is a major headache but it's still early days, when I got clean for the first time last year, it took me 4-5 months to 'come good' mentally and start to genuinely enjoy my days. I remember waking up one morning, rolling my face into a fluffy white pillow and thinking to myself - I DO NOT NEED ANYTHING EXTERNAL TO BE HAPPY, and it was so damn liberating, I can't wait to feel that peace of mind again.