TappingSoftly, thank you for your beautiful words... EVERYONE, thank you for your beautiful words. I truly don't deserve them.
I am back to Day 4 - or rather 82 hours. Working on that day 4. Yes, I f-ed up AGAIN. Like I said at the beginning of the thread, unfortunately this isn't a new trend. Did it enough to fuck myself up well and good. Of course! Why would I NOT punish myself! Urgh! So sick to death of hearing myself speak!
Taarna added 4 Minutes and 13 Seconds later...
Ive been... afraid to post... Just chicken-shit, thinking I'm letting all of you down. But someone wiser than myself (thank you, NM reminded me that I am not the first nor the last to go through this.
Taarna added 5 Minutes and 48 Seconds later...
So here I am, 1 am, sitting here with incredible stomach cramps, unable to sleep... And so utterly pissed with myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY! Eh, who the fuck cares why - just don't repeat, repeat, repeat!!!!!!!! I invented reasons, pretty much! Coz NOTHING should have been more important! Surely no stupid job! Catch-22, idiot! YOU got YOURSELF caught in it!
Will YOU ALL BELIEVE ME when I say this time I will DO IT?! This time I will get this fucking gorilla off my back! Do YOU all believe it? I think I AM deluded, to a certain degree, because every time I say this, I do believe it! Perhaps not enough! How much is enough?
Shit! The anxiety is kicking in.... I can't do this tonight. I am sorry...
Until I am able to better express myself,
All good vibes to you out there!