I don't want to bore any of you with how and why Ben became addicted to Norco 10s. In truth, everyone has the same story anyway. Everbody ended up addicted because everyone liked the warmth, pleasure and euphoria Queen Opiate so fiendishly delivered. So what if there were real pain issues...That's not what got everybody addicted. Everybody liked how the drug made them feel and took more than they were prescribed when they developed a little tolerance - that's what got Ben [and you] addicted.
To make a long story short Ben felt the wrath of Lorcet 10s years ago and over those years he found the inner strength to walk away from them several times. He learned how powerful their pull was and won quite a few battles - but he didn't win the war. If Ben had won the war he wouldn't be fighting it now.
Each time Ben backslid and let pain pills back into his life he learned more and more about how to better manage his addiction. He learned how to use moderately in a way that he wasn't at risk of a monumental dysfunctional withdrawal if he for some reason had to stop. After many starts and stops (and different levels of withdrawals) Ben finally learned he couldn't marry the Queen - but he could live with her. Ben learned he could find the inner strength to take the pills as they were prescribed. Here's the tricky part: Accepting only the pleasure achieved from the prescribed amount. Ben went a long time (several years) without pain pills. But he missed their pleasure so much he made a calculated decision to experience the Queens pleasure again but only within the framework of modern medicine's rules.
Ben found a Pain Management Doctor, got a scrip for 3 Norco 10s a day and happily backslid. But things were difference this time. He had a plan. Ben only took one (1) Norco 10 at 7pm, (1) at 10pm, and (1) at 1am. That's it and that's all. Ben doesn't have to go to work until 11am so he got to use, enjoy, and get up in the morning sober without experiencing any withdrawals at all. He worked a 5 - 8 hour day four days a week and never once took a pain pill at or during work. Ben never even thought about Queen Norco while at work. Ben functioned(s) at an EXTREMELY HIGH level at work and must impress with his pitch large groups of people focused directly on his performance daily. He's the top $ man in his realm. Not a soul knows he's a drug addict but himself. Not even his wife or daughters know the truth which is why Ben wanted his story told - and why he must stop.
Ben realized, at the end of the day, successfully managing a drug addiction and functioning at work still left him empty and mostly alone. What Ben realized was he had wasted true love and the people he shared it with. Ben finally, at long last, admitted to himself that if he continued it would prove he loved Queen Norco more than his family. This revelation wasn't completely new to Ben. It was always an irritant. He'd lie to himself. He'd simply enjoy his Queen and give his family what was left over.
.....So, with the prelude over.....Ben is on day one of his Queenless journey. He's decided to give himself back to his family and accept their adoration in kind, and never again leave them for pale yellow love-thieves dressed in majestic royal ovals: Queens of a bleak & lonely life.
In a very strange set of circumstances Ben was forced to make this decision quickly and without proper WD supplies. Ben went to an orthopaedic surgeon for a very real torn meniscus. Surgery was scheduled and the doctor wrote Ben a scrip for 30 Hydro 7.5s. Ben knew better than to fill it but he took it home and filed it away in his home office desk anyway. Why? Because he's an opiate addict and an opiate addict will never throw away a valid scrip. Ben was only looking for a cure for his ailing knee. He never doctor shopped or went to the street. Ben went to reputable doctors and quite by mistake Ben accepted a scrip for 30 Oxy 5s in a handfull of scrips from his primary care doctor when he complained about his knee. That doctor referred Ben to the opthoepaedic surgeon. He filled the Oxy 5 scrip without thinking about it's impact on his profile at his pharmacy because, since he had never broken the Golden Rule of his Plan: Not to ever take more than prescribed, Ben was clean and didn't have any other pain med scips on record to be scrutinized. He was a reputable addict with a Pain Management Doctor managing his pain meds.
About now......Are you laughing at Ben? I am. Getting multiple scrips was never part of the Plan - but of course, tearing is meniscus wasn't part of the plan either. He was simply adding to his stash with no plan whatsoever of using them on top of his regular doasge. So why fill it and put himself in a bad spot with his pharmacy? Bens a smart man but the fog of addiction is a Bear - raging inside him. He couldn't help himself. Foolish beyond words. A few days later Ben went for his regular apponitment with his pain management physician and stopped by his pharmacy on the way home to fill it. That's when it hit him. He made a very BAD mistake. He had just filled 30 Oxy 5s and filed away a scrip for 30 Hydro 7.5s. Ben panicked just as the physician stepped down to the floor looking out into the vast plastique of the pharmacy from the booth and called Bens.last.name. Ben stepped up to the booth and vaguely heard the pharmacist say he had to call the pain management doctor to approve the scrip again with the knowledge that Ben had just filled a scrip for 30 Oxy 5s. Ben limped out of the pharmacy a broken man. He knew he had caused himself a big problem.
Sure enough the pharmacist called Ben the next day and told him his Pain Management doctor told him to way 3 weeks before filling his regular allotment of 90 Norco 10s. That meant Ben would have to negotiate the next 21 days with 30 Oxy5s or try to fill the 30 Hydro 7.5s he had filed away in his desk.
To be continued.....
styledial added 68 Minutes and 55 Seconds later...
Ben ran out of Norco 10s the next day. He had no compunction about taking the last Queen in the bottle. Deep in Bens heart he knew this was a crossroads he needed to reach and taking the last pill was it's threshold. Was he going to tough it out for three weeks on 30 Oxy 5s to go back to his lush life of loving Queen Norco by night and leaving tablescraps of himself for his family all of the time...........or quit once and for all time, forever, for real. Ben didn't know.........but he had never felt what he was now feeling: His mortality, guilt, and acceptance that he would kill the love he still shared with his family if he made the wrong choice this time. It weighed on him like the doom of cancer.
Ben medicated the next night with 5 Oxy 5s over 7 hours to compensate for the loss of 30 miligrams of Norco. The very next night he weaned all the way down to 3 Oxy 5s with no real ill effect that night in pleasure of withdrawal the next day. Ben continued on a regimen of 3 Oxy 5s for three more days with no withdrawals al all. There were no withdrawals but Ben was under a cloud of doom and uncertainty pondering what he would do in the end. Ben knew the answer but he couldn't find the strength to promise himself he'd accept and follow it. Ben wondered destructively if he was capable of following his conscience. He decided he was - about everyting in life but Queen Norco. He knew he couldn't do it but in the back of his mind he knew he had to do it.
Is this the real misery of Queen Norco? Is this the final price to be paid for her pleasure? Ben couldn't face the problem but he did continue the taper in one fell swoop to one and a half Oxy 5s a night for three nights. The next night, for the first time, he felt withdrawal burning in his chest. Anxiety appeared on cue. He watched the clock until 7 pm and took precisely one half an Oxy 5. He waited four hours until 11 pm to take the other half. He took 1.5 MGs of Xanax at midnight and went to bed. Ben never felt any withdrawal at all during the day - slight withdrawal at night but even that was minor. That brings us to today - Bens first day with no opiates. So far the withdrawal has been light - just a little burning chest and the bleach brain of an unmedicated opiate addict. So why does Ben feel so down and out. Why can't he just walk away and move on with his life. He's not sick. He's a little uncomfortable but nothing more. A cold would be far worse than what Ben is experiencing now.
But........the doom of forever without Queen Opiate seems almost a death sentence. Is it?
styledial added 61 Minutes and 22 Seconds later...
Unlike many here Ben's not facing an unbearable withdrawal or death. Ben has been taking 3 Norco 10s at night only for 3 years. The taper has been very easy. The Oxy probably made it easier because the addiction was to Hydro from Norco's not Oxy. Ben's not a chemist but he thinks this sounds about right.
Ben is here because he wants to know how others feel about life without opiate pleasure short and long term. Ben knows his problems are dwarfed by almost everyone here with lifethreatening, lifechanging, horrible WDs that would make Superman melt into a Hershey Bar.
styledial added 4 Minutes and 7 Seconds later...
Despite the deficit in problems compared to others here Ben feels like his life is over. He's felt this way for many years before, during, and long after quitting Queen Opiate. Is there really happiness in abstinence?