for the first time in two decades im clean - Part 2

By ozzmosis · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. thank you kris. at that time in court i was going to be awarded custody but i knew i didnt deserve it. this addiction changed who i was and i knew that i wasnt ready to be the father he needs but it is my motivation. i told the judge ive surrendered that i have become powerless to my addiction and idclike to make everything right in my life that ive done wrong and the people ive hurt. i said i know i dont deserve my son now but soon i will. the judge almost cried i think but i was very honest cause i dont wanna lie anymore or hurt anyone. i wanna be a good father, a good man that people respect for overcoming this horrible addiction and someone people can trust. i know my son is worth it and i cant fix what ive done but today is the beginning of a better life. im just glad im still here to right the wrongs slowly. i still feel depressed but i know this is the right path. i want to help others but i have to learn to help myself first but im working on it. i am here for anyone who has the desire to quit. we all need to lean on each other when everything seems like it wont get better. wecall want to be clean but not go through the withdraws but its a reminder to me of what ive done and i feel i deserve it to tell myself this cant be me anymore. such a dark past but i dont have to let it control who i am or what i can do anymore.

    ozzmosis added 5 Minutes and 25 Seconds later...

    thank you so much and i have began to learn sovmuch about addiction and meeting people like you reminds me that im not alone. its been so long since ive been clean its hard to think about. me being a good father, wow its hard to believe. i can be a good father. i just am so thankful. this happened after my accident so maybe i needed to hit rock bottom to show me what ive done. thank you again

    ozzmosis added 2 Minutes and 22 Seconds later...


    your very kind thank you. its a fight everyday but im here to get my life back

Comments

  1. Sleepynurse
    Big hugs to you. We have had very different journeys but I can definitely relate to having to be honest/surrender before you can get better. And that can be incredibly, unbelievably hard. I thought for sure I would die before I would summon the courage to be honest. But I'm still here and now EVERYONE important to me in my life knows.

    Also, music has become my addiction as well. I feel so much better listening loudly to my favorite music. Not sure if you are a singer or not but singing definitely releases endorphins. Sleepy is only on day 15 from the last time she IV'd and day 9 from last opiate at all but these forums are filled with so much good energy.

    Best of luck on your journey,
    Sleepy Nurse.
  2. nursemarie
    Just letting you know I did read it. Thanks for sharing. :) xo
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