Wow, I started realizing I needed to quit almost a year ago. And I still haven’t. I feel like a complete loser. But some things have changed. I now have marijuana to help with the withdrawals. I found using the non medical marijuana doesn’t make me paranoid and I don’t get so stoned I just sit there and drool. That’s a plus. I have as much clonazapam as I want. I also have 21 oxycodone 5mg.
One of my real questions is whether or not the oxycodone will help? I know Poppy Seed Tea has so many more compounds for me to be dependent on than the oxycodone will provide.
I haven’t increased my usage at all. I guess that’s a good thing. I’ve gone into withdrawals twice, but both times my husband callled the ambulance because of the continuous vomiting. He doesn’t know it was from withdrawals. And I’ll be damned, but do you know what they gave me at the Emergency Department?! Morphine! My daughter had a foot broken in two places and they told her to take Tylenol. But I’m vomiting and they give me morphine. Wow!
Anyways enough with the rant.
My husband now knows that if I stop using it I will go into withdrawals. He also told me that it was my problem and he was too tired to deal with it. Man that hurt. Now I don’t even know what I want to do... Hell, why would I want to quit if it were not for him. Maybe my granddaughter. She’s definitely worth quitting for. I know everybody says you have to quit for yourself, but that shit doesn’t work for me. You have to give a fuck about yourself to want to quit for yourself. And I just ain’t worth it. But that grand baby is.
Ok, I’m sitting on the pity pot now. I need to read about other people and their successes.