This is sort of an aside from my recovery, but everything is related.
This a review of one of the many pharmaceutical drugs that I was given in my attempt to get better (I'm sure a lot of others like me will have taken them)
Zoplicone 7.5mg tabs
I was prescribed zoplicone for insomnia when I was coming off taking quite a lot of cocaine in December. Tried to just use it for sleeping cause I really, really needed it for sleeping. My brain was so wired from a mad manic many month long coke binge that I just neeeeeeded to sleep. The doctors put m on temazepa m first & they didn't work (didn't shut my brain down enough cause I was so manic and I was getting ever more manic in a rebound way when they were wearing off) so they have me
They're great to get me to sleep. Usually work but you really have to shut your eyes and lie down or you'll just go right through the drowsy phase and be into the weird heavy legs, slurring words, cooking really weird meals and having no recollection of it phase. I got a dictaphone when I was on zoppies (I started them five months ago and am still taking them) and I would record myself at night to keep a note of my mood etc, then I did it in the morning too. This was because I was trying to gauge what was causing and affecting my moods-one morning I woke up and there were three voice recordings. The first on os my usual nightly record. The second is later, and I'm just doing it again because is forgotten that I'd done one about half an hour prior. By the end of the second one I sound like a different person, I'm being all weird and speaking about random shite, I forget why I'm recording it. There's a THIRD ONE which is me saying oh fck I just left a huge voice recording and I then deleted it!!!!!
I had previously cooked a three course meal on zoppies and not remembered, but hearing my own voice fucked and totally out of it when I hadn't had a drunk or anything was just scary!
I'm writing this as I've just taken a zoppie and was planning on sleeping. I got involved in a conversation and now I don't know if I should stay awake or sleep!
I know the answer should be sleep. I have got a job since my first post. I am working at five and due to my sleeping issues I still haven't actually bad more than 2 hours sleep. But if I don't fall asleep straight away with zops (which I sometimes don't when I'm very anxious) I tend to want to get up and do stuff!! But I am trying to abuse less drugs...
Another noteworthy point (and reason that I am desperate to get off these sleeping tablets) is that I am positive they are impairing my memory. I'm havingn moderate memory problems and definitely just a decrease in cognitive ability. It's difficult to carry out tasks at work sometimes. I know this is from cocaine and MDMA too, but I think it maybe would have got better sooner if it wasn't for these zoplicone: it directly affects the part of your brain that deals with memory so I believe that could be a factor in it too.
If anyone has any thoughts feel free to let me know, it would always be appreciated.
I was moving through the silence
Without motion, waiting for you