Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 109

By tryhard · Sep 13, 2014 · ·
  1. a , me again ,, sorry cant workout how to explain all this shit atm...
    just ,,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont ,,,, i mean ..... fuck man fffffuuuccccckkkkk ,,, not again,,,,,, not again ,,,, no. no .no.......

    dont know what to do ,,, i mean i do ,, but how ....
    this feels like a controld crash ,, like a slowmotion car crash ,, i am in the drivers seat ,,, but i am only watching it and i cant do anything to control my situatoin.....

    i am fucken so down and i dont know if i want to help myself or not....

    it took me so long to find some selfrespect ... now i am back to unshore and i just ,,,,,,,,,,, i ,,,,,, dont feel up to fighting anymore...

    i am lost again and i am so tired.....

    some times i would like to end all this ,, but do not think that would be fair on the few that do care,,,, would leave more questions they would never be able to undestand....
    altho i would never leave my children like that ,,,
    but some days i wonder if that would b better for all concernd ......
    PLZ dont worry i would never do that ,,, just the way it feels sometimes.........

    i will be ok ,,, cause i know better ,,, the sun will shine tomorrow and i will be here to greet it........
    things will change and i will change with them ,,, i will servive and i will lern ......

    thank you for being here and give,in me somewhere to put this shit .........
    i need you more than anything at the moment and thank god YOU are there for me!!!!!!!
    ANDREW....

Comments

  1. Cwb20022
    Omg Andrew i just read your whole journal. Amazing documentation of what majority of us heroin users must go through eventually. And your so strong. Everytime you fall you get right back on the horse and try again. You really are trying hard.

    You'll be alright. Like you said the sun will be shining tomorrow. Don't let this job or relationship issues get you down. I know idle hands are the devils playground. So try and find something to fill your time until you find work.

    Also keep posting. I intend to follow this journal. I think its very powerful. And all users thinking about using heroin should read it. Your a strong man and your doing good. Really good. Don't let this bump in the road get you down. I think its great you trying to kick this demon after so long. Its not easy but your taking it head on. Keep it up man. You got alot of respect from me.

    Stay safe. Good luck. Peace.
  2. goodgirlgoingbad
    Has anyone heard of Rapid Drug Detox or RDD? It is under anesthesia and the "new" version you are only sedated for 1 hour.. with 2 days of recovery.. ANY stores regarding this??? One good thing is that all health care covers addiction here in US, finally.. I am trying to stop myself, after 4 years of using all types of opiates, mainly oxy but have battled H, sniffing it.. but none-the-less, battled it. Now, I am facing last few pills and finally at the point of trying to get help.. Anyone have anything on the Rapid Drug Detox?? it's for us opiate users.

    goodgirlgoingbad added 1 Minutes and 23 Seconds later...

    And yes, you are doing awesome. The reason I am reading here- keep your faith and I pray God strengthens you during your journey.
  3. Cwb20022
    ^^yes i have heard of it. But its incredibly expensive. For some reason most "help" for opiate users is either expensive. Or has really strict rules and high standards. And of coarse no insurance will pay for the rapid detox. But it only gets you through the physical withdrawal. Which most will agree is nothing compared to the mental aspect. But its worth looking into if you got the cash.


    How you doing today try hard? I hope better then the other day? How your living situation?? I assume a criminal record is what cost you your job. If so that's unfair. If you payed the piper. That shouldn't be able to hold it against you.

    I was literally shocked when i got to that last post. You were doing so good. Hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care. Stay safe. Peace.
  4. marathonmel7
    Hey Tryhard, just read your update. Please don't give up, all is not lost. Where one door closes another door opens. I know what it's like to have your past haunt you and f*ck up your present. I'm going through that right now. All I can say is keep fighting and don't give up. You can get through this. You have all of us here supporting you. All is not lost. You have two chlldren to fight for too. Please don't turn to using as a solution. You were doing so good. It's not worth it. Heroin is not your friend and it's the cause for your problems. The last thing you want to do is bring it back into your life. The root of all your problems is this drug so don't give it the power. You can do this, I believe in you. Fight hard!
  5. goodgirlgoingbad
    Thanks CWB! Not far from me, I see. And the internet looks like it's a cash thing but there has to be a state that will take insurance! And the physical is my main problem, especially without my anxiety meds.. but, the 24hr cleanse is what is attractive to me.. the idea of my body being clean from this stuff for one minute is very exciting.. If anyone has anymore info or stories about the Rapid Drug Detox or RDD, please message me or post about it? Thanks and everyone here has made today the day that I take my first step.. thanks for posting your stories for drifters like me. !
  6. SoozyQ
    Andrew,

    Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. It's no wonder you feel tired, you've had huge ups and downs over the last couple of months. Being opiate free allows us to feel the highs and the lows. You need to find other ways to deal with the lows rather than using. Easier said than done I know;)

    Continue to post your shit and complain as much as you like. Getting stuff off your chest really can help.

    Lots of love, hugs and strength. You are worth fighting for, never forget it :D

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  7. Cwb20022
    Hey try hard how's it going? I've been wondering about you since your last post. Can you please update your journal. You know no matter what you got people behind you.
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