Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 111

By tryhard · Sep 22, 2014 · ·
  1. A how is it out there? ??
    I need to thank all who are supporting me in my time of need ,, it would seem that you have the strength at the moment
    And not me. ...... this is the only link I have to any type of morality , reson and the truth.......
    You are the only one who understands my life and what I am doing to myself ,,, mabey even the reson why. .......

    This is so important to me , I could never explain my feelings on the subject but it is my life ......
    I read then as often as I can , sometimes every 10 to 20 minutes ,, every day is different ,, but I need it so much. .......

    Thanks for the post CHARLIECAT , I have miss you a lot. ...
    What's up with work , you said you haven't been for a week ???? Mate what's up? ?!!!
    My DM box full as you know , sorry mate but they are all yours and I just can't bear to delete them ,, I usually write out a hard copy so I can keep them to cheer me up when I need ,, the many beautiful and touching things that have been said. ....
    The painfully deppresive things and the most wonderful hi, s are what makes us the real people we are when we talk. ...
    I could never get rid of that in a million years..!!!!!

    I will try to write some out to day to make some space.........
    I have to go , back soon. ...

    Andrew.....

    tryhard added 366 Minutes and 1 Seconds later...

    To day has been very hard on me ,,as usual I helped everyone else and had some stuff to do but did,nt get it done. ......
    I got a new job the otherday , because of the good/firm proformance I put in. .. YAY
    I,m a bit unshore how it is going to happen ,, I felt the need to use due to the amount of work I had to do. ..

    Funny I used to say I could run rings around most and I have a bad habit ....

    Now I just ..... well ..fffffffuck.......I make myself so confused , I find it so hard to understand ,, what and why I do and feel what I do. ....
    I was planning an escape from here and thats exactly how it feels ,, like I am a fucken prisoner ,, if it turn out that I am the
    jail guard ,, what then fuck me. .........

    I have lost hope ATM ,,, won't eat , not sleeping , I wish I could give up on myself .....
    How easy would that be,,, I just feel I am dying inside ,, quietly and all alone ........

    I am holding myself back or so it feels ,,, I am hungry but I won't eat ,, I am tyred but I have nowhere else to be , I seem to feel the same nomater where I go ,,, I must be .................I don't fucken know anymore,,,,,, something has to happen. ........

    I get so lonely , while I am surround by people.....
    I still hate myself everyother day I can't control it ,,, it just comes and gose , like the tide..........

Comments

  1. Once.up.on.a.time
    Oh sweetheart

    Your posts are so heartbreaking I wish I could be there to give you a hug and tell you it's all going to be ok.

    As you know I'm suffering from postnatal depression, you are 100% depressed Hun.....that's how I've been feeling like there is nothing left inside me anymore.

    You need to see a professional sweetheart, I don't think this is something you have the ability to make better on your own.

    Plus due to the lack of opiates that your body is used to. Your brain is screaming out for them and is making you feel worse as a way to make you use and give it what it wants.

    Please be strong. We are here for you always but you need to talk to someone in your real life who can gel you more than we can.

    Thinking of you and sending much love and strength.

    Fairy Princess xxxx
  2. marathonmel7
    Hey Andrew, good to hear an update on you. First of all I'd like to say congratulations on your new job. I'm so glad to hear you have a steady income coming in. That's so important. I hope you have a good place to go and you have a roof over your head. I just want to tell you I support you 100%. I wish I could be there in person, I'd give you a great big hug and I'd listen to your every thought and try and support you. I too, am struggling. I am not as depressed as you but I'm trying to get sober. I have an upcoming court date and I have to prove to the judge that I am sober. It's not easy.

    Try and remember how good you were doing before you relapsed. You can get there again. I too, think you need to see a professional. You deserve to get better. You deserve to have a good life. You deserve everything in this world. I want you to be happy and for your pain to dissolve. It's going to take work and you're not alone. You have all of us here. But, you have to reach out for support. I urge you to go see a professional. Maybe even medication is the route you'll need to take. I am fully medicated and it really helps me. if it weren't for my meds I'd probably be suicidal. I don't want you to get to that point. It's a lonely life.

    You can do this. Get yourself some help and know that we are all behind you. Try and get clean because the drugs are just going to make everything worse. You are better than this life. If you need anything DM me. I am here for you just like everyone else. Together we can all succeed. Take control of your life now.

    Take good care of yourself and remember you have all of us here. You can do this. Fight Andrew!
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