Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 116

By tryhard · Sep 29, 2014 · ·
  1. Wow ,every part of my body that can hurt , is a hurting but I did do a solid 12 hrs ,, 11 of those at sea ....
    I took 3 clonide 100 mg ,, I felt a big oblagation to customers to be in good shape ,, but just the fact I did it complete and did not use is a great feeling ,, maby I have broken the seas hoodoo on a 17 year habit in it self ,,, I have always used going to sea and I never once missed a trip on board ...........

    The ankering system on this vessel is more for a solid heavy duty overnight moreing and is grossly over weight for what we need ,,, some days I have to haul this more than a few times. .....
    We are in the middle of setting up a new system to save me a bit of pain ..........

    Any way not trying to winge ,, but so hard to desscribe my job and the way I have to come out of my headspace ,, out of my shell ,, don't get me wrong I totally enjoy what I do ,,, just extremely draining both physicaly and mentaly.......

    I used today , I feel better physicaly but a bit disappointed as it not for the way I am hurting from work I could have fort harder and put up a better wall of resistance ,,, I feel like a thousand people have walked in me ,, my shoulder is very sore
    So hope we can sort out new ankering systems soon. ..........

    I do want to stop again , don't want to risk this job ,, will be xmass befor we know and would like to have a good one for once ,, would like to go to Frazer island , fourwheel driveing ,camping and the beach fishing is awsome......

    It is the largest sand island ,, southern hemisfear or the world or something ,, its fucken big
    And has several freash water lakes.....

    So need to sort out me shit and try to give life a go. .....
    Will try harder this time to beat this , can't find a reson not to. ......
    Feels like the write thing to do ATM. ....

    Tryhard , Andrew. ....

Comments

  1. charliecat
    A
    I totally cannot imagine what it must be like not to have somewhere of your own to lock yourself away to detox in comfort.
    During withdrawal my home is my little safe sanctuary and it makes me sad to think of anyone who doesn't have their own private space while going through something so horrible as withdrawals.
    I cannot believe I moan and winge so much about withdrawals when I'm laying at home in warm, comfort and
    With my lap top, tv etc close by..
    I don't know how you manage..it must be tough and just goes to show what a strong minded person you must be..
    Now you have a job is there any chance you could maybe rent something for yourself..
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