Fuck ,,,, I just don't know anything anymore. , I feel so much more detached than normal as I watch people , watch me as I
walk around this shopping center car park and pick up cigaret butts , so I can use my tobacco rolling papers to roll up a butt
Ciggy ,, can't bear this tobacco habbit. ...
So as I look around and ask myself ,, I wonder if I was seen doing this , how many people would give me the time of day? ??
Not that I really give 2 fucks , but the answer I would like to know! !!!
I went and asked for some help yesterday and I ended up in a sycolajists office , arfter a long talk and many many questions
asked from them ,, I have painted a sad picture of one who to avoid he's own truth ,, give everything all I have to others
all my time and what knolage I have ,,,, only to find I have no one to help me! !!!!
I am so down ATM ,for on that list is every one I know. .
Even my new employer is just useing me , to do so much for nothing ,, normaly I just cop that as it gives me somewhere to hide
physicaly , mentally and emotionly , so I suppose I have done this to myself! !!!!
Now I need some help with a few things and you think I can get a hand , NO. ...
So now I feel very alone , so alone in my own head , I find this so hard to deal with. ......
A really good looking lady smiled at me the other day and man did it make me feel so sad! !!!!!!!
It made me feel so ugly and so unatracktive , believe me when you are as good looking as I am ,, you don't need to use
rocket science to work out that I am not going to win any awards for my look. ....
Think I might leave my job , fuck fuck fuck , I just am not getting enough hrs ,, paying hrs to justify the non paying amount
of work I do. .......fuck I love this job but it is becoming a big sorce of my on going deppretion...
This decision is braking my hart ,, but I see no other way out .....
So when I have registered my car I think I will take a bit of a walk about ,,, my compassation money has been finalized and is only days away ,, I am so worried that I will blow it all up my arm. ...
My plan was to be clean by the time I got access to that money .....
I have fucked all that right up and I need to make some life changing decisions !!!!
I would like to go on a fishing holiday , maby Fraizer island for a bit , its the latest sand island in the world and only about a four hour drive north of me ....
Four wheel drive heaven and is world heritage listed ,, also a fishing hot spot for the adventurus fisho!!!!
So much is going on in my head , wow , this is kind of hard to deal with ....
Do I get a place to live , Bond and a new lease that I know same well , that if I am not clean , I will just fuck it up as I always
have done in the past ,,, worry , worry ,, worry. ..
Good points ..,, I can have access to my boys and a stable platform to start from. ....
I have never completed a full rental agreement in my life , only made shit worse and always end up owing money .....
I find no security in this and has always been a constant sorce of more ongoing depressive moods. ..
I long for a bed and clean sheets a fridge and just some where to go ,, so when I want to just be on my own I can. ...
I have just about worm out the longing for morality , the thing most take for granted are only dreams and all seem to be
only wants and not needs ,,,, a washing machine a TV a shower ,,, gawd why have I done this to myself and my children..........
Mota 16 ,, I welcome you to this thread ,,, PLEASE , PLEASE , I BEG YOU TO DO SOMETHING ,,, YOU MUST MATE , YOU HAVE TO ,,,, YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING SOON ,,,, I CRY FOR YOU AS I TYPE THIS ,, YET ANOTHERONE WHO FOLLOWS MY LIFE OF TORMENT , SHAME AND TORTURE ,,,, WHY WHY I SCREAM OUT , WHY. ...
DO SOMETHING , DO ANYTHING , STOP THIS NOW MATE YOU CAN ONLY MAKE IT WORSE. ....
I BEG YOU AGAIN TO NOT FOLLOW ME IN TO THE PURE HELL THAT LIES AHEAD. ....
MATE I DON'T KNOW YOUR STORY BUT YOU HAVE READ MINE AND THERE IS NOTHING GOOD DOWN THIS PATH. ....
I CAN NOT STOP YOU USING , ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT BUT WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU READ MY STORY???????????????
Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 130
- depression and drugs
- depressive disorder
- heroin addiction
- heroin relapse
- heroin withdrawal
- mental addiction
- mental health
- mental illness
- mental illness and drug use
- mental illness treatment
- opiate abuse
- opiate addiction
- support groups
- supporting heroin addiction
- treating anxiety
- treatment of major depression
- treatment of opioid addiction
- treatment options