Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 132

By tryhard · Dec 5, 2014 · ·
  1. seem i lost the plot a tad yesterday ,, i woke up about 10 pm last night on the ground in a fuckin alley way , don't know what
    the ,,,,,,, think I got into my clonide... I don't know what happened ( its been some time , an hour maby ) was going to tell you what I remember but it's not very important ......

    My mind is so full of the question ,, what am I going to do. .!!!!!!
    I understand the process well enough but it's away the same , well it always starts the same way ......

    I am over the panic now , so that's half a load off ,, I want to say that I am over it , but I no that the hole of me is not. ....
    I feel a bit silly not being ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,well i am more then ready , i dont want to use anymore ...... .
    so i supose we will see what happens ......

    i wrote this over the course of today ,, think I started at 8 this morning and its one o'clock in the arvo now , so many differant
    Moods and frames of mind , so many thorts and feelings , wow I don't know how I get through the day. .......

    We are expecting thunderstorms and the humidity is not helping much at all its only just the start of our summer and its cookin already. .....

    tryhard added 937 Minutes and 31 Seconds later...

    A all ,, not the best start to the day , sofar 4.30in the norm off to work and hartattack for got the coffee back home we go. ....
    going to sea for 10hrs and no gear , can this b a new fresh start..
    We will see how the day Pans out. .

    B cool guys.
    Andrew. .

Comments

  1. marathonmel7
    Hey Andie, how you doing? You hanging in there? It really hurts my heart to hear that you woke up alone in an alley way. That sounds sort of scary actually. I am glad to hear you are ok.

    How did it go at sea? I would think that going through withdrawals while at sea would be the most miserable thing ever. I know personally, I'm on day 4 and I've been miserable being here at my home. No motivation, feeling sick, depressed, frustrated, anxious, etc. It all just sucks. But, we addicts, heroin addicts have to get with it and kick it. We've got to fight. This drug is destroying every part of our lives. Look at me… I am in a big black hole right now all alone and depressed. Deeply in debt, without family, lonely, etc. This is no life to live. You don't want this anymore right?

    You've got to make the change love. I'm doing it one day at a time before this kills me. And it will… I'm lucky I'm alive so far. There's been so many close calls. And the sad part is, if i did die in my apartment, no one would even know for days. I am all alone with a dog and he would lose me and then he would die and it'd be one sick scene out of a horror story. Do you want to die? Do you want to go to jail? What do you want?

    You've got to choose life. You're too good of a person to choose this other route. You've got to get up and fight hard. I'm here with you. If I was local to you I'd happily be there for you to help you free yourself from this awful, intense madness. But, I am a whole globe away so sadly, I can't be there to help you. But, I am here for you and think of you often. I wish you well. Do the right thing, get clean. Follow your dreams, picture your boys, love, laughter, etc. Do whatever it takes to say no. Say NOOOOOO!

    I'm here for you. DM me if you need me. I will be looking after your thread. Hang in there!!
  2. kickitall
    Tryhard by name and nature, its the hardest drug to beat and your mind is ina whirlpool with it all think of 2 doors one which keeps u spiraling round a vicious circle of scoring, needing never enough and the other a door to a new life no more endless worry but a bright happy successful future. Its hard and mindblowing but so worthit. Stay strong keep trying hard and battle this self destructive addiction.
  3. Jungledog
    Andy,

    I have been following your journal and I feel your pain on the pages and in the words. Heroin is a beast. I do think you are battling it though. There is a part of you that wishes more than anything to be clean and then there is another part that fears life without the warm cocoon of heroin. Opiates are just one great big mindfuck. Take it one day at a time. Consider your options. Try to cut back on use. Care your yourself and your body. Decide you are worth being clean...because everyone here thinks so.

    Love to you my friend.
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