Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 136

By tryhard · Jan 12, 2015 · ·
  1. A Boys and Girls,,,,,
    How's you been ??? I am OK but have not been keeping track ,, I have been working flat out and am keeping my self to myself , I have been with my boys as much as I can ....
    Most days I will work a 12 hours then walk 5 km to see my boys then walk the 5 km back to my not Finished car to crash for a couple of hrs then off to work.......

    I am still using daily and have been using about half as much as normal , so I am trying to keep as low as
    possible and trying to keep myself in the best possible position to jump off , when I need to.......
    I have no plan as usual but am always thinking bout trying again........

    Hope everyone is doing OK ,, I have had no credit and have not been able to keep track of DF for bout a week or so ,, pay day today so I for plenty of credit now......

    As per fuckin normal I have started writing this before I have had a chance to read anything ..lol ,so I might keep this short so I can do a bit of reading and see how's yas been going????.

    I will write back soon and have some answers to your questions....
    See ya in a bit......

    All the best ...

    Andy....

Comments

  1. marathonmel7
    So glad to hear from you Andy. Was getting fucking worried about you. I hate that your sleeping in your car. God I wish you didn't have to live this life. You don't deserve it. This will be short but I just want you to know that I'm always here and supporting you no matter what you're doing using or not. I urge you to quit cause it's quite liberating. I am 40 days sober today. It gets better it really does. Although today I wanted to strangle random people.

    Keep calm my friend and carry on. Love to you.
  2. missparkles
    Andy, Andy, Andy..whatever are you doing sweetheart? Can't you buy a cheap vehicle that works, at least then you wouldn't have to walk all of the miles you do walk to see your children, with all of the time that you're now working money shouldn't be an issue, you don't pay rent to sleep in a car, after all, do you?? By the way, how do you get to work without a car, just wondering is all, love? Do you recall right at the beginning of this thread when you were trying to work out some kinda routine so that you could then quit with as little pain as was possible becoming addicted, one of which was 2 days using and 5 days not using (IIRC) and the other idea was to try 3 days using and 4 days not using? Back then myself (and others) told you that you didn't need to find anything because by using the two routines above meant that you had already managed to quit.You just didn't seem that interested in listening back then.

    The title of this thread is "Heroin, and now I think it's my time at last" but it's no longer anything to do with quitting, in fact it seems more about "How long can I continue to use until I have to quit?" The "have" that I've highlighted is is closer than you think, Andy. First we told you that you'd managed to quit already if you could quit for 4 and 5 days. You said that you were worried about having so much money on pay day, so it was suggested that you ask someone close who you trusted to keep your money for you and just give you what you needed to buy gas, food, you know the basics, but definitely not enough to go out and core with. In fact every time quitting was mentioned another problem seemed come up, which is fair enough as that's life and shit happens, that's why they call it shit...right? But again when people suggested real life solutions that had worked well for them you seemed to find a way of them not being right for you.

    I know it seems like I'm chewing you out, but not once have I ever said anything to you that hasn't come from a kind and loving place Andy. Perhaps I've said what you needed to hear, as I am today, but not what you wanted to hear. What kind of friend would I be, what sort of help and support would I be offering you if I only told you what you wanted to hear? Believe me when I say that all I've ever wanted to do is help you, no more no less. But I'm not stupid, I also know how bloody hard it is to quit, remember I've been there myself lots of times. It took me a long long time for me to realise that honesty starts at home, cuz when you can be honest with yourself it's a helluva lot easier to be honest with others. I said honest not ruthless, you sometimes have to use some tact and diplomacy to grease the wheels of that honesty.


    This thread no longer seems to have any connection to the thread title, it's become more of a blog than a thread about quitting heroin, honestly. You say that you're only using half as much as before, but it's not about the amount you're using , it's all about the potency of the drug you're using. You say that you're using daily but keeping it as low as possible, but today is payday and if you're anything like other heroin addicts you'll be using a bit more tonight. You say in your most recent post that "I have no plan as usual but am always thinking bout trying again........" Well if you're using daily but have no plans to stop all that's left for you to do is think about it...rightIf you have no plan to quit in the near future do you think that it's fair to all the people that desperatelywant to see you quit, that are willing to support you day and night and that would be there for you whatever you decide to read (my interpretation) "I have absolutely no plans to quit using" ( that's the honest part) "but I do still think about trying to stop... all of the time" (that's the part that really says nothing) and the second part is like a bone thrown out there just to keep others interested in the hope that you might actually mean it when you say that you're thinking about quitting. So what do you really intend to do...not what you think about, not what you'd like to do, just tell me what you actually intend to do about your heroin addiction Andy?

    I want you to be happy, healthy, and content, I care about what happens to you, so please don't even start to think that this post is in any way uncaring. Sometimes the lie slips off of the tongue a lot easier that the truth does, but I still have to face myself in the mirror, have to live with myself, and that's when the lie becomes a lot harder to live with Andy.

    Love Sparkles. :vibes:
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