Heroin - and now i think its my time at last - Part 190

By tryhard · Jan 9, 2016 · ·
  1. Cheers people ,, your support is priceless .......
    So I did not use , common sense prevailed ,, I would find it extremely hard to go and score ..... no not for me anymore..

    That feels really weird and a bit emotional , trying to workout where I fit in ......
    Feels to wrong to go get on and also feels strange to be straight ..............

    Bearable but strange it's all good and nothing I can't handle..
    So just looked at a small truck for 1500 bucks and it's a 2 ton
    Trayback with fold up sides,, exactly what I need to do my scrap bizzness...... oh yeah.......... f perfect really.............

    So what to do ,, have to go see him soon ....

    The bizzyer I stay the better .....
    And work is the only way to get shit and money for holliday and boat and stuff.............

    I have to wait for doc to get back so I can go up agsin ........another 10 migs .........


    I am extremely sorry Cbs but I just can't seen to split ...
    It's like I can't get it qick enuff in to me ,, I think it's all a syc out type thing and I don't know but the emotional side
    takes over and it's to late ........

    Just being aware of it is most hard and allways remember after I guts the lot ........
    sorry for being a pig.....


    My hart is always the last thing to be considered ,,especially by myself.....
    I have always considered her to be my soul mate ...............
    and I still do ,, so it came as a bit of a shock to read what I saw and I wish I had not have but I found out so truths that I alone could not face and also forced that situation to a head
    So ,, while not the out come I wanted an out come all the same ..........................

    I don't everthink I will get over this one for me but a prior realationship has fuvked her up big time .
    but that is the girl I fell deeply deeply madly in love with .......
    I guess I will have to deal with that ..................

    now may not have been the time ,, but I feared not being in her life that I would loose her forever ..........

    and it's taken along time to realize that if I truly did love her
    that I would want her to b as happy as she could be ,, witch means with or without me .................

    but in the end I was only her second choice on the other realationship failed .................
    it hurt so much because I knew they only wanted one thing
    and to see how quick see just gave it away and in the end for nothing ,,, whitch I know has hurt her alot ......

    now we are both hurt and miserable ,, the only happy one is the one who got an eazy fuck and no realationship , just what he wanted and I blame myself for driving ex away......

    not fair on the kids as they need so type of stability and and male role model if not me someone good and solid , honest and loyal.......someone that wants to be there doing that with then.........

    anyway in going for now ....
    Andy......

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Andy,

    I agree with Cee. Stay the course and be true to your word that you will not use again. Do it to restore your relationship but mostly do it for you. Loving yourself must come before we can effectively love others. I know that might sound weird. But caring for yourself and healing your wounds first will allow you to care for her,

    An antidepressant worked wonders for me when I came off. I used it for about 1 year and then tapered off. It made a huge positive improvement in my mood and life. Perhaps consider this.

    As always, much love to you.
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