How to begin my recovery? Doing this for myself. - Part 2

By hb12 · Mar 2, 2015 · ·
  1. Doing this for myself

    I'm still actively using. Haven't gone more than 48 hours without an opiate in 2 years. But this week, after countless weeks of playing with the idea of recovery.. I'm ready. I don't know where this road will lead. My boyfriend and I are active users. He's not on the same page as me, and isn't ready to go see a doctor.. But I am.

    I work a full time job, one that I don't know if I can get away from to do inpatient. I still catch myself feeling like I'm not "addicted enough" for an actual rehab center, but I know that thinking like that will just bring me back to square one.

    I don't think I have the courage to go tonight.. but tomorrow or the next day, I'm going to the doctor. I've left another post asking for advice about this part because despite all my research, I still don't quite understand how to take the first step into recovery. I'm too ashamed to see my normal doctor, and I don't even know what sort of doctor to see about this sort of thing. I'm hoping that I can just go to the emergency room one night after work, and that the on-call doctor can prescribe me with Clonidine.. because if I have to wait for an actual appointment for a week or more, I know I'll end up either dead or in this same boat. I wish I could do an inpatient but as long as I can find an outpatient NA or something of the sort, I know I'll be okay.

    I wish my boyfriend was in the same boat. We've been together 6 years and just purchased our first home. But I know that he'll have a change of heart when I take the first step. He's just as afraid as I am. Even if it means giving up my relationship, I know that I need to do this. I'm sick of the dark days, planning my life around when I can get my next line, trying to hide my dry, powdered nose and having no energy with or without the pills.

    I've let myself stay lost in the dark, now I just need to find which direction the light is in)

    (Not posting this for advice necessarily.. just posting this to hold myself accountable during this time)

Comments

  1. DeepGreenSea
    Re: How to begin my recovery?

    welcome to drugs forum!

    Congratulations on contemplating recovery-it is a very important step and without first steps we never get anywhere.
    There are many threads dealing with opiate addiction and recovery on the site, all filled with the Truth and Wisdom of Knowledge and Experience. If you utilize the search function I'm sure you will find many helpful posts/threads.

    To start with:

    I would suggest Avoiding the ER-though opiate withdrawl can feel like death it is not actually life threatening (unlike benzo and alcohol WD). You will most likely be turned away from the ER-after all it is a place for strokes, accidental amputations, cardiac arrests-truly life threatening illness and injury. ER's also don't want to get reputation for treating junkies cause word gets around fast and the next thing you know they've got a waiting room full of crafty people who are not really interested in Recovery per se; they just want help staying well until they can score.

    Ahh....my people.

    Suboxone and Methadone are Recovery options to explore-they are outpatient treatments that can be used to assist in WD or to help manage a long-term opiate addiction. DF has loads of info about both, from cost to effectiveness to side effects. AA/NA doesn't always get the best experience reports but some people, including my MMT counselor, swear the program saved their lives. Of course, you may espouse all varieties of formal help but COld Turkey, without support, and a partner with no intention of quitting might be an Impossible Mountain to scale.

    Your regular doctor may not be the best resource to treat you as GP/Family DR's are not usually well versed in Addiction Medicine but they may be able to refer you to a good treatment or clinic. You can always say you are asking for a friend. The truth always makes the best lie :p

    So...again, welcome and please avail yourself of the Collected Wisdom, Cultivated Empathy, Wicked Humor and Denial of Fuckery we call Drugs Forum. Once you have perused the site and gotten a basic education about Opiate Recovery Methods please feel free to ask any more specific questions you may have. And of course please share with us your journey.

    Donating members have the added benefit of blog creation and blog access-there are many inspiring, helpful recovery blogs here. Something to think about as well.
  2. Cmenot
    hb12; Welcome aboard! I hope that you are curled in a sweaty ball right now because it will mean you have stuck to your guns and quit opiates. If not, I recommend you look in the yellow pages for an addiction DR, treatment center. Call and set an appt. I do not recommend subtext, suboxone or methadone. Rather that you ask the DR at one of these clinics for clonidine and gabapentin, maybe klonidine to get you through withdrawal. Then you should make a plan what you will do when you get sober and your BF is not...he may even offer you drugs..misery loves company. You should have a plan in place...do you live with your BF? Please check in when you can. It helps people to keep a journal here, you can see hoes far you've come and remember how awful withdrawal is--so you dont go back! Best wishes-
    C
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