I am afraid to quit codeine, the memory of withdrawal scares me - Part 31

By cren · Sep 28, 2014 · ·
  1. When I started this journal I was ready to quit.
    I had outgrown my addiction.
    When I got ptsd I had triggers.

    I started to recognise this and stopped abusing to cope with it and practised the techniques the psychologist told me about to help me cope with ptsd.
    I only used to fend off withdrawals and for pain.
    I got my self control back. I felt like I was getting stronger.

    So why the fuck did I slip up today?
    I had an oxy tramadol codeine bender. I promised myself I would be a good pain patient and not do that.
    I didnt enjoy it all I thought of was that I was undoing my hard work and that I am a failure and will never be opaite free.
    I think seeing my friend today triggered me. She is successful and has a good life and and not a total fuck up like me and she was asking me about the cause of my ptsd and I knew she could never understand and came home and got wasted.
    Now it is wearing off and I am so depressed. I know I am not the first person in the world to try and get a grip of opiates but I am just disappointed because I was starting to trust myself again because I had been good and I thought my mental health was getting better.

    I am so disappointed in myself. I have had this disappointment before and its what I used to become a controll freak and taper slowly and doing that made me feel strong without having to quit, but all I have is the self loathing without the control. I don't like that about where I am at. Its makes it to easy to go backwards. The drugs are wearing off and I am having panic attacks and cant sleep now so I need more.

Comments

  1. tryhard
    A mate , its been a bit ,,, you don't have to lose control ,,don't dwel on it mate ....
    Come on mate you know the drill ,, own it ,, except it ,, move on ,,,, all the work need not be for nothing. ....
    You can control this , move on mate , move on. .....

    Good to see you posting try to stray strong and see the truth....
    Tryhard, , Andrew. .......
  2. cren
    thanks Tryhard. I was feeling very bad when I posted that. I think I need a ptsd forum. I was confused because I get panic attacks when my opiates wear off but also because of the ptsd so I think having ptsd made my use worse but I am getting a grip again.
  3. tryhard
    Thankyou mate that Dm , changed my day. . You said so much to me in such a short message , wow you have you moved me .... what's happening , what's up ,, post something , for us plz....
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