not sure what made it happen. It seemed like it was impossible, I was locked in, and there was no way out.
But I got so fucking miserable and upset at myself for living in this disgusting way, being out of control, relying on disgusting poppy juice to survive, that I just stopped.
I have some suboxone, ativan, and immodium and used a bit of each over the past 3 days, but withdrawal has been surprisingly light so far.
I want to get into normal living again.
I want to feel pleasure, pain, and what it means to be human.
- Run every day
- have sex often (have had no desire while on the tea)
- work hard
- spend good and real time with my family
- and just live a NORMAL life with the happy and sad parts that come along with that.
fuck this drug.
seriously, FUCK this drug.
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I appear to have stopped using