Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Well this morning I have this dumb job interview making minimum wage. I can't afford to pay all my bills on minimum wage. I'd be surprised if the pay is more than that. It's a job at a restaurant. I'm not sure if I will take it or not, it depends on the atmosphere and if it's a nice restaurant. I have experience working at high end restaurants and thats where all the money is made. We'll see. You can't say I'm not trying though. I just want to go back to cleaning houses. That was what I truly liked doing. I'm still waiting to hear back from other companies on whether I can join their team.
Today I don't really feel any better. I am tired. I'm afraid my Mom is angry at me and I don't know how to fix that since I don't feel like I did anything to her but explain my feelings. I have anxiety. I am going to take a xanax before I go into this interview so I'm not shaking and shivering and look like an idiot who just got off of drugs. My body temperature is still erratic and I don't feel 100%. It's been about 7 days or so.
My dealer pisses me off because he texts me and tempts me with his "amazing black." WHatever… I'm not falling for it. It's just the same tar as he always gets and it's not amazing. Good, but not amazing. I just delete his messages. I'd delete his phone number but he still texts me and I still know his number by heart. So whatever, criticize me for that. I don't really care because I'm not acting on it.
I don't know why I'm so nervous about this stupid job interview. I don't even know where the restaurant is. If it's not close then I'm not accepting the job. I will not fight LA traffic everyday and spend obscene amounts of gas money getting to and from when I will only be making pennies to begin with.
Everything is annoying me right now and loud sounds especially. My dog's barking is shrill and going right through my skull. Some kid was outside yelling and it made me squint with pain in my right temple. I just want darkness and quietness. I want to go back to sleep. I want to stop complaining. I'm sorry.
I am going to go but I will write more later about this stupid job interview. I don't even want to talk to them. i just want to sit there and have them look at me and say yes or no. I dressed the part so they should just say yes. I have nothing intelligent to say. I don't have a clue. I've been on many job interviews in the past but I am not in the mood this morning to smile and be fake and act like this is the career of a lifetime.
I am depressed. I am repressed. I am mad. I am sad. I don't know how to just be. I just want to be normal.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 100