I really need some support, please help me - Part 101

By marathonmel7 · Oct 17, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I refuse to even acknowledge squiz's comments. They aren't warranted. I will do this alone. I've been in rehab before and guess what, I used in rehab and got kicked out and then met my current dealer and have used ever since. So, rehab is not the answer. I am the answer and I will get it done. I don't need to prove it to anyone on here that I can do it. I will do it. Now, on to other things.

    I am so depressed. I feel like I cannot even breathe. Tonight my computer was infected with malware and it almost shut down. I had to pay to get it fixed and that's money I don't have. The money my father sent is dwindling fast. I don't know how to make it last. I need a job asap. That's all I can think about. As much as I don't want to work in this restaurant I hope I get called back. I need a paycheck, any paycheck.

    I don't know how I made it through the day. It was my dog, otherwise I might have been dead. A bullet to the brain sounded quite appealing today. I tried to get out of this funk but I can't. My brain is screwed up. The pain is real. I don't know how to deal with it without drugs. I have no cravings whatsoever for drugs but I don't know how to live without them it seems. I have to relearn everything. It's only been seven days. Tomorrow will be eight.

    Thank you to all that have been supportive. Your words have been invaluable. I couldn't do this without you. Thanks for not being critical of me.

    I really don't know what else to say. I don't want to be me right now. I hurt so bad.

Comments

  1. TheBigBadWolf
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    And I hope day eight comes a bit easier on you.

    Big hug.

    :vibes:
    BBW
  2. Squizz
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Yep. The truth hurts. :D

    You have a HEROIN addiction. I mean, what here are you not grasping? Of course you'll run from the truth. I seriously doubt you will be able to beat this on your own. I'll keep checking up on this thread. We'll see how things turn out for you. I'm not holding my breath. If you won't take advice from a professional, I seriously doubt you're going to take it from me. I just hope someone doesn't find you OD'd...........lifeless. What a tragedy that would be. :(
  3. Cam520
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Well, since Im new here Ill just change the conversation a bit, maybe help you get your mind off things...

    What part of socal are you from... I live in the Inland Empire, about 40 miles east of Los Angeles and have quite a few friends who served. Did you do basic out here, or did they send you to some hot as hell place like South Carolina?

    How did you hurt your back if you dont mind me asking... and sorry if its been answered already I may have missed it. I got into my personal battle with opiates/opioids when I started taking hydrocodone for a herniated disc in my upper back/neck and it was game on from there, and that was 2010...

    Do you attend a local nursing school? Hope my questions arent too personal, Im just curious if I recognize anything since we both live at least some what in the same area...

    Hope things are better... I know all about the depression associated with withdrawal... ive come clean, been clean for weeks, felt fine... said one more time and gotten back into a hole countless times in the past 4 years... I feel your pain.

    Cam520 added 4 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

    One thing I recommend for withdrawal and it looks like you have already had a little success using it is Adderall or Ritalin. I have a prescription for Adderall and have for many years, and I dont abuse it... and its night and day for me as far as having energy to do things when I am withdrawing. It really helps a lot as long as you dont start abusing it as well... I dont know if they are easily obtainable or not, but I remember the first time I came clean off of Vicodin, I decided for some stupid reason to not take ANY pills and I remember being so exhausted I could barely move... and of course it was because I quit taking my adderall so I was withdrawing from that as well.. even on a moderate dosage of 40mg, which is what Im prescribed...it really helps SO much not only with energy, but makes you feel a good bit better to. People say there is a comedown from taking it, but Ive never had any issues with that, probably because I dont abuse it. But it really helps.

    Also... try taking a few more immodium. I understand its an opiate and in higher doses it seems to pass the BBB and trigger some receptors in the brain, but I noticed even at a smaller dose of around 20mg it really helped take the edge off and I had no kind of rebound or anything when I stopped taking them.. I took them at about 20-30mg a day for the first 5 days and then stopped..

    Just my two cents..
  4. Loveluck29
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Squizz- your comments are borderline flaming at this point. This is a recovery section and op's personal journal. You have CLEARLY not read this entire thread! She knows she is an addict and has considered all options many times! This is somewhere to give support and encouragement, not belittle and essentially taunt the op! You have made your opinion clear, there is no need to continue at this point.

    The op is dealing with a lot of negative feelings and depression right now and I can guarantee that you are NOT HELPING the situation!! You are seriously just being a dick at this point. I don't care if I get neg rep'd for that comment, it's the truth and you deserve to hear it.
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