I really need some support, please help me - Part 103

By marathonmel7 · Oct 18, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Well today is day 9. I woke up at 430 and couldn't get back to sleep so I just got up and decided to deal with it. Yesterday my anxiety was through the roof. I took some klonopin but found it wasn't very effective at helping me. I need some xanax because that helps me deal with my anxiety much better. Unfortunately, my source is dried up for that right now. Hopefully, in a few days that will change.

    Today I have a house to clean. One of my previous customers contacted me and asked if I would come clean for her. I of course, jumped at the opportunity. I am tired though and I have no motivation. I don't even want to shower as gross as that sounds. I always have good hygiene but my lack of energy is keeping me from wanting to do anything. I'm hoping to start exercising soon once I get over this crap.

    Some of my symptoms are still lingering like erratic body temperature, insomnia, terrible depression, anxiety, and so forth. Today I have cravings for something, anything. I wish I had some suboxone left because it helps my cravings but prolongs withdrawals. So, I really don't think that is a great idea overall.

    I don't really want to move from my couch. I need motivation to get through the next few hours and clean this house. I wish I could put it off until tomorrow. But then tomorrow would come and I'd probably feel the same way. I want this feeling to end.

    I made the mistake of watching Black Hawk Down last night and as a result all of my PTSD symptoms came back. i really can't watch war movies as they remind me of my deployment to Iraq. I've had much therapy for this and I find that nothing works to alleviate the symptoms. Time is the only thing that helps. Although the memories don't fade time still does help. I won't be watching any war movies again anytime soon.

    Well, that's about it for today. Still struggling but doing this. Thank you again to all that have been supportive minus a certain someone on my thread whom I hope leaves my thread and finds someone else to harass.

Comments

  1. cren
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I am so proud of you.
    You are so focused and such a strong lady.

    I know with time you will feel better. Especially once you start exercising.
    When I gave up I also had ptsd but I threw my mind into everything I could to escape myself like books, movies and music just to get out of my own head away from my own memories and it helped me focus on other things other than the cause of my ptsd. I know right now you wont have the energy to do it but it will help when you do.

    Now that you are heroin free you can really start healing because opiated mask ptsd alot.

    But these things are way ahead of you but its still something to look forward to. Life will get better for you, stay focused like you always have and I know in the end there will be more happiness for you.
  2. rapter
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Well i would like to say a few thing's to say i'm glad for you hopefully everything goes the path you want to be on and your family too.
    Take it day by day and it will get batter the day would never be the same we all have thing's that might be falling apart but the thing i learn it will change as the day go by. Hope you don't fall and hope to see you on the top of your game. Let's give it are best and you will see the path.
    Rapter
  3. charliecat
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Oh mel
    Your doing it..your actually doing it
    This is your time and real change is now within your grasp..
    I'm right there with you with the complete lack of motivation and the cravings for anything to change mind set. Pacing from room to room (when I can drag self of settee) wanting something..looking for something to fill that gap..
    You don't need me to tell you how much better you will feel if you do get up, shower and go to work but I also know how crippling the low mood/motivation can be during withdrawals. I'm sending you lots of love and strength to find it in yourself to get through the next few days and out the other side. You are so close. It's only a few steps away now.
    Your determination inspires
    C
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