Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Well today is day 10 but I have a confession to make. I took an oxy last night. I don't know why I did it. I didn't get high or anything. I just wanted to fill the hole in my soul and the pain and desperation that I was feeling. I wanted the pain to go away more than I wanted to be high. I regret doing it but it was a minor mistake. It didn't make me whole. It just made me feel like a failure. So i'm sorry.
Yesterday was challenging. I didn't end up going to work I go today instead. I went for a half hour run on the treadmill thinking that would chase away all of my pain. It did not. I don't even feel like it helped. Then last night I went for a long drive and then ended up in bumper to bumper traffic and didn't feel anything but stress after that. So my attempts at peace and solace were unsuccessful.
I can't believe how painful this experience has been. I have so much going on. I have court again on Wednesday. I have a job interview on Tuesday. And then at the same thing I feel like I have nothing going on. I am restless, aggravated, unaccomplished, idle, alone, lonely, desperate… etc. I could go on. I can't sleep. I wake up super early and then my days are super long because I can't sleep at night. I can't catch a break. When I was using I could always sleep so well and so peacefully. Now, it's all such a chore. My brain dreams and conjures up nightmarish tails. Like last night, I was awakened to a dream this morning. I was so pissed when I woke up. I just want to sleep. I want it to be quiet. I want the rain not the sun. I want a break. Just an hour to feel good.
That's really all I can think of to say. I'm not good at ending my posts. I just ramble what I'm feeling and then suddenly my thoughts drop off into nothingness. I am empty. I am not whole.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 104