Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Well hello there everyone. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I had a job interview today. It was with H&R block working as a receptionist. It doesn't pay very well but I did get the job. It's just temporary until I have the job orientation next month working for a different company cleaning houses. That's what I really like to do. I just have to wait until the orientation next month in LA. In the meantime, I have to have money coming in so I will take this new job and give it a try. The pay is substantially lower than what I was making before but hey, you gotta start somewhere right?
I feel like it's baby steps right now to getu my life back in order. Now, here's the bad news. I messed up and used last night. I have no good excuse as to why I made the decision to do so but I did. I only did it once but it's the fact that I did it. I'm sorry to those who I let down. I am not perfect and i'm trying really hard here to keep myself clean.
Fortunately, I see the doctor on Wednesday. He is my new psychiatrist and he is also he one who will be prescribing me suboxone if I choose to take that route and he is also in charge of getting me into the outpatient treatment program. I really need to get into this program because I need the support. Right now I am at a critical stage. I already relapsed and I don't want to continue down on this path. I am ashamed of myself. But, it happened, I fell and now I'm dusting myself back off and trying again. I just have to hold on until Wednesday when I can get some help.
BBW, I have mixed emotions about subs too but I really think I need them to stabilize my life right now. I think it's a helpful tool to get me to where I want to be. I need a way to manage my cravings. Between subs and outpatient rehab I believe I can stay sober. I don't know. I have to talk to this new doctor about it. I called him and told him I relapsed and he said it's ok that he will help me Wednesday. So, we'll see what happens. So, that is my bad news and boy is it bad. I was doing so well. I just wanted a good night's sleep and I was having repetitive nightmares and migraines and I just wanted a break. No excuse I know. No excuse!
I will keep you all updated as to what happens. I'm going to keep fighting my ass off though for my sobriety. I may stumble along the way but I am going to do this.
Please don't be too harsh with your comments. I feel like I've made progress despite this relapse. It's been awful tempting to use since I've been out of the hospital. I've managed to make it this far. I will keep fighting. This is one hell of a battle. So, here I go again starting over from one small and stupid mistake. I'm not going to let this derail me from my goal though. Soon I will see the doctor and hopefully we can set up a good plan. I'm excited for this rehab program and my friend is going through it too so I will have some support.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 112