I really need some support, please help me - Part 115

By marathonmel7 · Nov 15, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Ugh I'm so aggravated because I just wrote a really long post and it didn't post right. I really don't feel like writing everything over again. I will just summarize what I wrote.

    Long story short. I showed up at my doctor's appointment with my psychiatrist Thursday and was told that she is no longer seeing me and that my care has been transferred to the Sepulveda VA. So, I was not seen nor were my meds refilled. I think it's interested how this is the doctor that admitted me against my will to the hospital and now she's totally washed her hands of me and is not treating me. So, as of right now I have no doctor. The soonest appointment I could get at the Sepulveda VA was December 2nd. So, I will run out of one of my prescriptions on Sunday. I don't know what I am going to do. I am going to have to show up to Sepulveda and see if they will see me on an emergency basis. I don't know what else to do.

    As far as the outpatient rehab at Sepulveda, I have to be on methadone or suboxone to take part in the program. The doctor would not put me on suboxone because I was told that I am too high of a risk and that I need to be monitored everyday and that's why I need to be put on methadone. I politely explained to him why I didn't want to be on methadone and that I was unable to come to the clinic everyday and he simply did not care. He was a big asshole. He pretty much told me that I won't get clean without methadone and that he's not willing to help me. So, it's safe to say that the VA is not going to help me.

    So, I took it upon myself to search for a doctor that prescribes suboxone close to my house and I found one. I have to check and see how much it will cost for me to be seen. Right now I don't have any extra money. The VA is obviously free medical care. Maybe that's why it's such poor care.

    I will also see if this doctor can help me get into an outpatient rehab program. I don't know. I am trying though. This all takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. Doctor's are loaded up with patients, there are wait times to get into clinics, etc. I'm doing the best I can with the resources I've got.

    I will keep trying. As I stated in the post that got lost, I want this to be a success story. i want to look back at this and say I made it. I want to be the one that succeeds. I really do.

    As far as the last few posts goes and all the religion talk. I have no energy to address it all. All I can say is I told my mom at the age of 8 that I didn't believe in god and i wasn't going to support my family's religious practices. My mother supported my decision and I have never changed. I don't support organized religion and I never will. So, have your disagreements somewhere else besides my thread.

    Anyways, I have a migraine and I am tired. I just wanted to update really quickly and I apologize if it all doesn't make sense. I don't feel well. I will continue to update. I will make it through this. I am a trooper and have always succeeded in everything I've ever set out to do. I might stumble but I get back up. I will fight the fight. A soldier never quits.

Comments

  1. TheBigBadWolf
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    There are times during recovery when everything seems to turn out against us - all we can do is keep going stubbornly and fight our fight.
    I have found out that these setbacks usually lead to a solution that is much more convenient that the one we had in mind originally.

    Time is the factor in it - trying to hurry something up can lead to unwanted frustration on top..

    Keep going, it is the right way and you will find the way for you to go - sooner or later - It wil present itself to you on a silver platter - and you will recognize it immediately and grab it.

    I only hope for you it is sooner rather than later.

    BBW
  2. tryhard
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    You go trooper and good on u Mels for having that never say die attitude ...
    A question ,, can you make yourself stop ???
    Simple enuff to answer , yes or no ....

    I have on several occasions ,,, made myself stop , forced it to happen....
    I once drove 600 miles to work in third world conditions , with no more than a one shot for the drive , no wonder it took us an extra 10 hrs to get there ... lol. ..

    I lasted bout 12 weeks and relapsed for mental resons ,, I had nothing but my needle and 8 used deal bags that I washed out
    every morning for about 2 weeks ....
    I new after the first wash down that I was using only water , but it worked very well. ...

    I know that you are capable of walking away from this , I am struggling more than I normally do because I no I can walk away from this. .....

    I used to think I would have to chain myself to a tree , for 2 weeks ,, with someone to bring water and food when needed, ,,
    Was the only shore way I could do this, ,,, then I realized the tree is in my mind and the chain and locks are my hart and my
    will ......

    I had nothing , nothing in place and I was a long way from home ,,, I was the best I had been in a fucken long long long time
    As far as I was concernd , I was as close to 100 % as I ever have felt in my life ,, as close to normal as I have ever seen. ....
    It felt totaly new , amazing , exciting and out of this world. ........

    I should have stayed ,,, but , when we finnish that job , I ran out of work and with super inflated everything , cause of our mining boom ,,, with no work , I was priced out of town. ...

    I deeply regret having to leave that town and I wish somuch that I could have stayed. .......

    Sorry to ramble mate ,, hope you can get something from that. ......
    I am hangin a bit , I decided to write this instead of scoring my next shot. ......

    I used again today Mels , but only half as much as I have been ,, because of YOU MELS. ........
    THANKYOU FOR SAVING ME TODAY MATE. ....

    I FEEL SLEEPS A COMING ,,, BIG DAY AT WORK TODAY. ......


    GUNNA GO FOR NOW MELS MATE ,,,
    YOU CAN WORK THIS OUT MATE ,,, THINK ,, USE WHAT YOU HAVE .....
    USE YA HEAD MATE ,, YOU ARE BETTA THEN THIS AND YOU FUCKEN KNOW IT , DON'T YA! !!!!!!

    YOUR MATE. ...
    ANDY
  3. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    I have been reading your thread and just want you to know I think of you often and send my support. I know this journey sucks and it is so difficult to get and stay clean. I hope you can find the health care you need and a supportive doctor...so many of them are just assholes (seriously fucking think they all have a God complex...and I am NOT being religious here...just stating that I work every day with them and as a group many, but certainly not all of them are conceited, self-serving, money-grubbing jerks...in my humble opinion).

    Remember the self care piece too. Love yourself right now...more than anything else.

    Hugs,
    JD
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