I really need some support, please help me - Part 116

By marathonmel7 · Nov 15, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Thanks Jungledog I appreciate your concern and I too, have been following your thread. Congratulations on your success. I hope to be right there with you :)

    Can I just complain for a moment? I hate whiners but I feel like whining. I don't feel good. I am having chest pains, I'm wheezing from my asthma and I have no doctor to fill my prescription for my inhaler. I have a rash on my chest and my hips are aching like crazy. I don't feel well at all. My friend that is interested in me as more than just friends is annoying me because he can't seem to understand that I am not interested in him. I am one fucked up individual right now and the last thing I need is to get into a relationship with someone else. I welcome friendships with people and men but, nothing more than that.

    Right now I'm spending a lot of time with a friend I met in the hospital. He's a heroin addict too but has quite a bit of clean time. He is on parole so therefore, he cannot screw up his life or he will go back to prison. He really helps me with my anxiety and panic attacks. He keeps me calm, makes me laugh and comforts me when I am feeling like crap. I am actually getting ready to pick him up today so we can hang out and chill for the day. He is living in a rehab center at the VA. He is doing much better than I am. He's the voice of reason in our newly developed relationship. He lifts me up. Anyways, I feel lucky to have someone here and I'm really happy it's a fellow heroin addict because he gets me. Also, I should mention he's a combat veteran too suffering from PTSD. So, we have quite a lot in common and he gets me.

    I'm happy my team won today although I accidentally slept through the first half grrrr! I didn't realize they were on so early here in California.

    Well, I guess that's it. I don't feel well. I think I am going to pop a xanax when I get back from picking my friend up and just relax. I feel a panic attack coming on and I don't want to have to go through that with him being here even though I know he'd be supportive. Lately, I've been having panic attacks every evening. It's been bad. But, I haven't resorted to picking up the needle. I am trying to learn how to deal with them. Also, my new medication helps slightly. I just think they need to up the dose. Perhaps my new psychiatrist will.

    I hope everyone has a good weekend once again. I will update later or tomorrow. Take care.

Comments

  1. lostlygirl
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hi Mel,

    Your journal was one of the first journals I read on DF. I started following your story late one night about a month ago when I was going through fentanyl withdrawals. There isn't a lot of information posted on fentanyl withdrawals, except that the withdrawals are a lot like heroin. I started researching heroin withdrawals and came across your story. I read it straight through in one sitting. You are one crazy strong woman and have come a long way since your first post.

    I was dumbfounded when I read about the VA denying you acceptance to the Sub's program. I know they wanted you on Methadone, but once you refused that I cannot see why on earth they would deny you Subs. It's not as if they are stronger than methadone, for crying out loud. You would think they would be willing to at least give it a try.

    I also thought it was really shitty of your psychiatrist to just drop you after she admitted you without consent. Did she even visit you whilst you were in there or just wash her hands of you right after she signed the papers? Honestly, you are probably better off finding someone who you relate to a little bit better, so it may be a blessing in disguise.

    Unwanted attention can be frustrating, especially if he doesn't get the hint. It's even more frustrating when they are friends because it can ruin the friendship. It may be a good idea to let him know that while you appreciate the friendship, you just don't see it going anywhere. Your new friend sounds really nice and hopefully he can be a good long term friend that's really supportive. Addiction can be so lonely and its good to have someone who really understands what you are going through.

    I hope you are able to find a local doctor and get on the subs program. You've had quit a few set backs but you keep getting up and facing your addiction head on. Many people would have given up by now but your sheer determination and willingness to keep fighting means you'll beat this.
  2. rapter
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    well I'm really sorry what going on I hope it well get batter soon.
    -
    Rapter
  3. cren
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hey well done for idenitfying your danger times for using and getting a friend to support you. You are clearly doing a lot better mentally if you are able to do that.
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