I really need some support, please help me - Part 121

By marathonmel7 · Nov 19, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I am a drug addict. I hate myself today. I don't know how I went from feeling good to feeling so horrible today. I feel like I'm in withdrawals. I am sick. It's like my brain conjured up a plan to make me feel like hell overnight. I am depressed. I don't want to use at all. Just in case anyone was thinking that. I want to start my life over again from 2011. I'm in really deep. I don't know how I will ever get out of this hole. I am no inspiration to anyone today. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow.

    Thank goodness for this precious dog of mine. He senses my feelings and emotions and lays happily in my lap. I don't know where I'd be without him. Sometimes I truly do "live" for him. Some will laugh at this I suppose. But, this is my version of kids. He is mine. I am his.

Comments

  1. 1korger!
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    i feel like this too today, i dunno whatsup, just gotta wait for it to pass
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hey Mel-

    I get that it's a bad day for you, so I won't go on and on with the how's and why's of what's going on with you physiologically. Please just keep in mind that depression is a normal aspect of detox, as are mood swings. I know that me telling you such alone helps nothing. But remember that if you make up your mind to move on and keep as busy as you can bear to be in the meantime, that this black mood will pass just as it has in the past.

    Do something Up, and try your best to not dwell on the negative, as the negative has a way of becoming bigger and encompassing your entire life for that time period, if you let it. Just don't let this mood ruin your entire week.

    You're in my thoughts-

    BT2H
  3. opiatebattler
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel...Self loathing is just another part of the process of getting well again. To me it felt like a last ditch attempt from the subconscious to get me to use. I also know it was an underlying reason i started using.

    I had less than no personal value a few months ago. Now my value is increasing. This passage helped me. I say it like a mantra if I'm really down. I have also written it out and analyzed it to get it firmly entrenched.

    PERSONAL VALUE:
    No matter how bad my physical, spiritual or social condition, I am still a human person, loved by God and a connecting link between persons; I am still valuable, my life has a purpose and i have my unique part in God's work.
    From the GROW Mental Health Movement Blue Book.
    (God being whatever power greater than oneself you believe in)

    It's easy to forget we are equal to others just because we are human.

    Chin up Mel...go for a little walk with your dog in the sun and see if that helps

    Hugs...xxxs
  4. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    The bad days suck. Get through them as best you can. Love your dog and pamper yourself. Get outside into nature, get sun, take a hot bath, do some yoga, and keep reminding yourself that nothing lasts forever. The past few days have been lousy on my end so I know how it feels. Love and hugs, JD
  5. TLSJ
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    From what I'm reading Mel, you are doing much better. It sounds like you're past the initial withdrawal symptoms, and the hard parts now are the mental aspects. And they can be pretty difficult, but you're doing the right things.

    In many ways, people don't treat recovery from a drug addiction like other kinds of illnesses. I mean, if you broke your leg, you could have months of rehabilitation before going back to work. I wish there was an easy way for addicts to be able to just take a full year off from life's responsibilities, and use that time to get our brains fully rehabilitated. But unfortunately, that's not a luxury many of us have. Just try to get out every day and get some sun and exercise. Each day you do will be one day closer to getting healthy.
  6. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    Hope today was better my friend. My day was pretty good. Popped back on my gabapentin and it made all the difference is how I felt...well that and I was busy as shit so had no time to fuss about myself. Give your dog a hug for me.

    Luv,
    JD
  7. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hiya Mel-

    I worry about you when I don't see you posting for a day or so. So I'm worried. Hope that it's because things are simply keeping too busy to write. Do hope to hear from you soon and that you've had good luck finding a subs doctor that is a bit more reasonably priced.
  8. Booty love
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    you know what Mel, sometimes its ok not to keep up with this thread about heroin. You have way more to worry about and When we make big change in our life, some things have to go, maybe this thead is one of them. You are trying to put everything in this thread behind you and to keep finding the time to keep up with it just to keep us in the loop, shouldn't be on your list of priorites and might not be the best thing for you...maybe not, i'm really just rambling now. i hope you know what i mean. you posted on my thread yesterday and thats good enough for me. keep fighting the good fight mel and you will succeed!
  9. Mick Mouse
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)


    Actually, you WERE a drug addict. Now, you are a recovering addict, with the goal being to become a former drug addict. And you said "its like my brain conjured up....."-that is EXACTLY what is happening! Think of it as a last gasp of a dying addiction, this monster has finally seen its doom, and it is throwing everything it has into keeping its claws into you. And do you know what this means?

    You have won. All that is left is the clean-up operations. Don't get me wrong, it is not over yet! but the writing is on the wall-all you have to do now is maintain, and it will get easier and easier.

    Welcome back. But don't forget for a moment that addiction is an insidious opponent, and you will have to stay on guard for an extended period of time yet. And we can help with that. To some extent, I agree with Booty. However, with that in mind, remember that sometimes talking and letting things out into the open can be of great benefit, such as if you find yourself trying to talk yourself into relapse.....maybe talking to others here can help you talk yourself OUT of relapse, as well.
  10. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    Just checking in today to see how you are. I agree with St Dismas. You are no longer an addict. You are recovering and while this road is long and hard it is a road we must travel to get back to our true selves. Look for yourself...the real you and tell the addiction monster to go fuck himself. I know you can do this.

    Love,
    JD
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