Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Well a lot has happened since I wrote over the weekend I got a huge apology from my boyfriend or ex or whatever we are right now. He sees my point and again we set up some new boundaries. I really like this guy or I wouldn't give him a second chance plus what I did wasn't right. We are both on the same level right now and it feels good. I am to obstain from heroin and he is to obstain from everything but weed. I feel that is acceptable and agreeable to both of us.
I will say this that I relapsed out of emotion. I again recognized my triggers and am putting things into perspective for my own sobriety. I am feeling good today. I feel good about myself even though I relapsed.
I know two addicts together can be tumultuous but I want to give this another chance. We both have feelings for each other and we both made mistakes that we are since sorry for and allowed for it to never happen again. So pact made and onto the rest of life.
Thank you all for your support. I was really hurting. I feel much better now. This guy isn't a loser, he's an addict like me and made some stupid mistakes. I forgive him and we forgive one another. So, while I don't know if we will be bf and gf but we have our friendship and that's all that really matters. The rest can build with time and we jumped into things way to quickly.
So that is that.
Back to my sobriety. I have never felt stronger. I am right back on the horse from falling the other night. I know my triggers and will avoid them at all costs. I can do it and have been doing it for the most part. I shouldn't have used despite the feelings I was experiencing. I won't do it again based off of emotion. That I know will pass anyways. It's a learning experience and I've learned my lesson.
I hope everyone can understand. This guy is not a bad guy he's just an addict who made some bad decisions. he apologized for hurting me and I accept his apology while he accepts mine. So, back to our foundation… it may be cracked but we can mend it.
I need to control my PTSD and get ahold of myself because it's affecting other people, this guy in particular and he doesn't need the added pressure. He has his own drama and issues. We can support one another but each give each other space accordingly. That's what i will do.
As much as I don't like NA meetings I am going to try one in my own town. I think I could use the help and why not, its free. I just don't want to be center stage or expected to share. I would just like to here what everyone else has to say. Maybe I can relate to them and befriend them so I have others to lean on instead of putting my friend through my bs. I think there's a happy medium.
Anyways, I am sure I will hear a lot of flack for this but I'm just being honest. I care for this guy very much and we were having a good time. Time to keep that going. I'm smiling. I going to go for now. I feel really at peace and want to end on a good note.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 123