I really need some support, please help me - Part 125

By marathonmel7 · Nov 27, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hey all, Happy Thanksgiving a little early. I hope everyone enjoys their holiday. I ended up picking up some heroin tonight. I just feel like using. Nothing is wrong or anything I just felt like I wanted to relax and chill for the holiday. I am having my boyfriend over for the day. I am going to take him to a nice park around my house. I know I shouldn't use but I just sort of wanted to relax.

    Don't really have much to write tonight. Just thought I'd be honest in my thread and let everyone know that i decided to pick up tonight. I will get back on track after the holiday is over.

    I had on interview with the Home Depot on the phone today. The questions they asked were tricky. THey really liked my resume so hopefully they think that I am a good candidate. The money will be better than the job I've been currently offered. I really need to be working. I hope it happens soon. My court date is on 10 Dec. I am looking forward to getting this all behind me. I have a lot of anxiety about this whole thing. I hope the judge goes easy on me. She was really nice the first time I saw her several weeks ago. She waited for me to get the fax from the bail bondsmen when she could have just sent me to jail. Anyways, I feel like she will be fair with me at any rate. That's all I ask for is fairness. I know I messed up and I'm ready to take my punishment. I just want this to be over with.

    ANyways, you all won't be happy with my relapse. I am not really sweating it. I know it won't lead to regular usage. Anyhow, hope everyone has a nice holiday with their families. I will write more tomorrow.

    i had a nice talk with my boyfriend. He apologized for acting the way he's been acting towards me. He explained his feelings and practically begged me to still be his gf. So, I am giving it a chance again. i really like this guy or else I wouldn't even give him another shot. He realizes that he cannot get mad at me for using Heroin when he is using other substances. We agree that neither one of us is "sober."

    But, whatever. Don't feel like getting into all of it. We've come to an agreement and again redefined our boundaries.

    Ok, well everyone have a good night. I will update more tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

Comments

  1. lostlygirl
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hi Mel,

    Just a short note to wish you a happy thanksgiving! :)

    One small question: Do you really want to spend your first thanksgiving with your new boyfriend high? Or, do you want different memories?

    Hugs, and wishing you the very best life has to offer. xxoo
  2. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    OK. Your post made me think as did LG's. I got up today and I was standing in my bathroom staring at the bag of kratom and I thought "Wish I had oxy. If I had oxy, I would have the energy to get through this day...both emotionally and physically." And with that I discovered a MAJOR trigger.

    I used my pills very heavily on "happy" days. My mother is a self-absorbed perfectionist and holidays with her are a fucking nightmare for me. NOTHING I do is good enough on these days. Instead of hosting herself, holidays are to be at my home so that she can be waited on. EVERY holiday for my whole adult life has carried with it the role and responsibility of providing a perfect experience for my mother.

    Anyhow, I used them to "relax" as you stated. But in reflection, I realize I used them to escape. So Mel, with love in my heart I ask you to reflect on the next question. Why do you need to "relax" on a lovely day in the park with your new boyfriend?

    Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving!
    JD
  3. Squizz
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    I just wanna' say I'm sorry for being so stern earlier. You're clearly going through a lot of shit right now, and I can see that the tough approach wasn't what was needed. After re-reading a lot of this, all I can say is, I've never be more thankful for two things:

    1)That I've never been hooked on heroin/opiates
    and
    2)That my life could be A LOT worse than it is.

    I wish there was some way I could help you out of this mess. Ultimately, there is no easy solution. It just seems like there is so much turbulence in your life right now, that staying entirely clean is virtually impossible for you right now. I'm not saying that to be rude, or put you down, it's just.......staying clean is hard enough on it's own. With all the other stuff you have going on, you're being pulled in all sorts of different directions, and your emotions must just be all over the map.

    I don't really know what else to say, except that I will pray for you. I will pray that you can pull through this shit, and get your life back up, and on track. Right now, what I think you need more than anything is love and support.
  4. mrs.badger
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel, you said your court date is Dec. 10 ? Do you think there'll be any drug testing involved?
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