Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Mrs. Badger, I have a miniature pinscher. I'd upload pics if I knew how to. He is what keeps me going seems how I don't have any family here.
Today I don't feel a whole lot better. My stomach hurts pretty bad. I took some xanax and some suboxone I had lying around because I have cravings and I don't want to relapse. I don't want to be a slave to heroin anymore. I'd rather just pop 2mg and be rid of the cravings. Call me weak but I'd rather do it this way then subject myself to more heroin.
I do not feel good about myself right now. I am fighting a hard core heroin addiction and it's weighing heavily on my body, mind and soul. I appreciate everyone's support. Thank you Tryhard (Andy) for your nice, long post. It truly did lift me up. I have so much to work on in my life right now. I'm so scared.
I still haven't started my job and I'm running out of money. I am living off of loans and financially I've got myself in such a mess due to this heroin addiction. I don't know how I will ever get myself out of it without a good job. I got another job offer but haven't heard anything back from them. We'll see.
I have like 150 emails to look over. I haven't done so yet. I need to in order to see if there are any job offers there. I've applied to a lot.
I got some marijuana to help with things but I'm afraid to smoke it for fear I will have an upcoming drug test for a new job and then fail it. So, while it does help I really can't smoke it right now.
Tomorrow I go to the psychiatrist. I am hoping he gets my meds straight so I don't have that to worry about that. I have run out of everything, all of my spares are gone now. I need to be on my meds for my psychiatric disposition. They really help.
Right now I am living off of xanax and cigarettes to keep me sane. I have asthma so the cigarettes are beginning to be a problem. I need my psych to prescribe me my inhaler so I can continue smoking as it calms me down.
Anyways, I will keep trying my best to obtain from heroin. I don't know when my last relapse is. My memory is terrible. Perhaps I can look through my thread and find out but I don't have the energy right now. I am thinking about maybe trying kratom but the last time i ordered it, it didn't work for me. Plus, I hate the taste. It's so nasty.
I just want to break away from these opiate chains and move on with my life. I am almost there just a few setbacks here and there. I believe my body is screaming at me to stop seems how I am pretty unhealthy. I was sick all day yesterday and I still feel similar today. Sort of like withdrawals but not.
To those that are struggling keep up the good fight. I know I am. I don't want to be a junkie for the rest of my life but man, heroin is the answer to everything it seems. It takes away so much of the pain I feel and anxiety and PTSD. I know it's not the answer deep down inside though. I know this.
I'm sort of safeguarded from using right now because my syringe broke and I have no replacements and buying them around here is impossible. i usually buy over the internet but I am not going to let myself do so. I won't smoke heroin and sniffing it is impossible because it is black tar heroin. So, that respect I can't even shoot up unless I find a store willing to sell me syringes and I have no energy to go out and look for them. So this morning I was feeling weak and was happy my syringe was clogged and unable for use.
Anyways, the subs are helping. i am not going crazy for it right now.
I will write more later. Just thought I'd update on my feelings. I feel like I've halfway beat this monster. Just have halfway more to go. Periodic usage isn't sobriety. i want sobriety.
marathonmel7 added 49 Minutes and 27 Seconds later...
Just got a job offer cleaning homes. That's what I really like doing so I am anxious for an interview. He didn't say when it is but working is exactly what I need in order to stay clean. I'm hoping this pans out. Wish me luck.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 129