I really need some support, please help me - Part 136

By marathonmel7 · Dec 8, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Hey all, day 7 here. Most of the symptoms have subsided although I have the erratic body temperature thing going on. It's so annoying because I was freezing in bed last night yet sweating at the same time. Really annoying. I was trying to steal my dog's body heat haha. His name is Bentley by the way BT2H. He's 11 years old but still acts fairly young. He keeps me grounded and I treat him as if you were my child. He's the only child I will ever have as I don't wish to ever be a parent to human children.

    It's a sunny day here in California. Helps to pick up my mood although I prefer overcast and rainy days. Unfortunately, we don't get that much rain in SoCal. Ideally, I'd be living in snow right now but all my family is in Florida. Which brings me to my next question, BT2H where are you living at in Florida? My parents are in Crystal River, close to Ocala.

    Not sure what I'm going to do today. Probably another day of sitting around. Wish I had something exciting going on. i did however, have a friend over to watch the Patriots play. That's about it.

    I wish everyone a good day. Peace.

    marathonmel7 added 18 Minutes and 47 Seconds later...

    One afterthought… Today is the first day that I have cravings although I vow not to act upon them. I guess I miss the warmth heroin brings over your body and the nod that follows. Don't want to glamorize the drug but, it is so nice to escape and sleep for hours on end. Oh well, those days are over. I have to stay with my mantra… fuck heroin.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    Yeah, I hated the sweating and yet freaking freezing detox symptom. That one sucked. :( You sound like you are trying to keep your head straight. But I wanted to ask you to think about part of your post.

    What made you reflect on the "warmth of heroin?" Heroin is not a warm blanket. It can make you feel warm...it can also make you dead. It creates a false "life" that plays out in a haze on your sofa instead of offering real life experiences in which you can learn and grow. For example, it is actually not normal to want to escape and nod out. Non-addicted people don't wish to chase an escape nor a nod. We addicts though do. So an important part of this lovely getting sober process is asking the question "why?" Why do we want to escape? What do we want to escape? Why do we wish to sleep (which is a form of escape) instead of wishing to be doing something exciting while awake?

    I can tell you my answers and I challenge you to answer them for yourself. I wanted to escape my failing marriage. This tanking relationship made me feel bad about myself and made me second guess the whole life I had built. I felt guilty that I was letting my children down and causing them pain. I used to escape the pain, the hurt, the drama, the anger, the guilt, the sadness and this sense of overwhelming disappointment in myself and in my spouse. For me the opiates did not bring sleep but they brought me energy which was another form of escape. I used that energy to work on my writing or on exercise or other projects that I did to bury my emotions in. It didn't matter what I did as long as it took my focus off my hurt and my failing marriage...from my deepest wound.

    So yes, your mantra "Fuck heroin!" is a good one. But think deeper my friend and spin things around. Your mantra should be "Love Mel because Mel is worth all the good that life has to offer!!!"

    Love to you my friend...(told you I would make you think LOL :) )
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Are you in the San Fernando Valley area, Mel? I lived in both Panorama City and in the Santa Monica beach area. Without giving a town, am I warm?

    That was way back in the late 70s, the true California Hippie days. The Santa Monica beach area was immaculate-clean but crowded, even back in the 70s. The valley (though smog-free in the early 60s) was slightly smoggy then, too. The freeways were hell even back then. I can't imagine what they are now. Places elephants go to suffer than die, I suppose.

    Ocala is two towns over from Crystal River (about a thirty minute ride, at most, one to another) and is the "city" of the area. Joe and I have lived here in Ocala going on 12 year this spring and love it. Joe and I each lived in Crystal River for short time before meeting and settling on a house in Ocala 12 years ago come this spring. We love the area. Life is good (and affordable) in Ocala.

    Your Bentley sounds grand. And sounds like he loves his mommy big-time. I spent my morning going to the pain doctor and then my afternoon playing with our new kitty, Grady. He's like the Godzilla of kitties. But I love it.

    So Mel, way to go on day 8 more than half done.
    Fuck heroin, Mel. Way to go.
    (*So theoretically, you could be my future neighbors--and close buddies. : )
  3. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    BT2H,

    Have a close friend who lives in Ocala. It is a lovely area and he loves living there and is quite active with his horses and teaching others to ride. Just wanted to comment to both you and Mel that I love your pet babies names! Both Grady and Bentley are great names. Pets bring us such joy don't they?

    Love to you both! And love to the fur babies as well. :)
  4. Werecat
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Great mantra, I agree with JD though, love yourself too. Something I'm having to learn myself. :)

    Also, I'd do anything to live in California. I live somewhere cold that rains a lot. Wanna swap? :p
  5. cren
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel, I am only posting this because I am concerned. There seems to be a pattern here, relapse, regret then throwing away the rest of your gear, (I dont know how anyone can have the will power to do that) then you seem to go all quiet for a few days. This has happened more than one occasion. I get worried when you go all quiet after the relapse. Are you doing ok? Do you get stuck in a cycle? How are you doing now?
  6. mrs.badger
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I saw a post of hers on another thread yesterday; also she mentioned she had her court date today. That might have her occupied.
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