Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Well today is day 16 I believe. I have sort of lost count. I don't care as long as a continue to move forward. If i"m off by a day then fuck it, who cares. It's still progression which is the ultimate goal. So, how is everyone else doing? I hope you are all following in my footsteps. I feel more amazing than the day before. I have not experienced this sort of happiness in a very long time. The only bad thing is I woke up with major anxiety. Had to take some xanax to calm down. That with a cigarette seems to be helping.
So, I know this journal is supposed to be about the trials in tribulations of becoming sober but I feel like I am free to talk about my personal life and I won't be judged by my supporters. So, with that being said how about some spicy dating stories to pump this thread up.
So, I met a new guy last night for coffee which ended up with him coming over to my house for more talking and then subsequently him taking me out to dinner. I am blown away by his looks and his personality is equally amazing. It feels to good to be true. We had an amazing time. Instant chemistry and I felt butterflies in my stomach the whole entire time. I felt like a little school girl haha. Kind of lame. He's aware of my addiction although I didn't get into a lot of details. I figure little bits at a time is the most appropriate tactic in talking about all of this. He doesn't judge thankfully. He actually had two friends struggle with heroin but they all managed to get clean and get there lives together. So, there is hope after heroin and I'm beginning to believe that.
Anyways, I'm trying not to get too excited. I've gotta protect the heart. I'm very fragile in the early stages of recovery but man, I am looking forward to what the future brings. I haven't had these feelings since my last boyfriend in 2011. And the best part about it all is he's bisexual so he understands me. I don't judge and I'm not grossed out. It's rather intriguing to me. He's not gay though and he made that quite clear. The kiss was amazing. It was all too good to be true. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am a pessimist. I can't help but try and predict the ending before the start. That's just me and my father is the same way.
Anyways, hope you guys are enjoying my dating stories. I'd go into further detail but I am a bit shy. I will leave the juicy details out unless of course you want to hear them haha.
My recovery is going so well. Gosh, I feel amazing. I can't fathom using heroin again. It seems like it was ages ago since I used. My arms and hands are starting to heal which is amazing. Maybe I will be able to wear short sleeve tees again. I am a tee shirt, chuck taylor, vans type of gal. I miss my tees.
Hope everyone is doing well today. Those that are still struggling, walk the path with me. The grass gets greener, the sun gets brighter and the love you feel within your soul blossoms. It's an amazing feeling. I feel high on life right now. Never thought I'd feel this way. It is however, a little overwhelming. A lot of stimuli.
I will check back in later. Just thought you all would get a laugh about my dating episodes. This one however, is fucking fireworks. I just hope things go well. I am fragile right now and can't handle getting hurt. I've got to tread lightly while making my feelings known. I wish you all could read my text messages from last night. So sweet.
Anyways, enough of me gushing. The thought of being with someone that has their complete shit together is very intimidating as I am a struggling junkie with not that much to offer. As I gain more confidence, I will feel much better. We'll see. Cheers to the future however it may result.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 145