I really need some support, please help me - Part 150

By marathonmel7 · Dec 21, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 20… whew… made it through a difficult few days. I've had some urges to use but I can't quit pinpoint what exactly I was hoping to accomplish through using. I guess to numb some of the emotions? To kill the boredom although I've kept myself busy lately. I don't know what I want out of heroin now as my relationship has changed with it. I don't look at it as the same as I used to. I don't glamorize it as I'd done previously. It's dirty and disappointing and a dead end. I'm on a different street now one that doesn't have heroin pit stops. The one thing that's helping is venting to friends and talking to them. I know people count on me to be sober right now and I cannot let them down or me down. I won't. It's been too long.

    This forum has brought me so much support with more and more readers growing everyday. It's fascinating that this community can come together like this in such tragic times. I've gotten personal emails of people coming out to me for the first time in their lives. I've got fellow junkies on the other end writing me looking for inspiration. I want to be here for all those people and show them that this is all possible. It just takes a fucking fire fight.

    Today is my first DUI class at 11. I am really not looking forward to it. I don't want to hear what they have to say. I know more than anyone else that what I did was wrong and I don't want to hear someone else's shit condemning me for my mistakes. It's two hours. I have no idea what we will be doing but i plan to stay under the radar by wearing a hoodie and sitting in the corner and pretending I am anywhere else but there. Sucks but it will be my life for the next three months. Just gotta get through it. I have to pay for my mistakes and this is just one small part of it. Sucks.

    Anyways, I will write more later. Hope all the others are doing well. Like I always say, keep fighting the good fight. There may not be rainbows on the other end but there sure as hell are brief moments of fleeting happiness. I live for those moments no matter how brief they may be.

    I will catch up on everyone else's threads today sometime. Right now I am riddled with anxiety and must get off of here and try and control myself. Popped some xanax, that should help. I have to get ready for my classes. Off I go. Peace to all that are still struggling. There is a light at the end, dim at times but it's still there. Trust me. You can do this.

Comments

  1. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Good luck today, Mel. I bet you come back and tell us the class wasn't half as bad as you thought it would be. I hear they've kind of made the whole thing less of a lesson in finger-pointing than it used to be, and can actually give anyone who sits through it some interesting stats and such to consider and think about. A look around the room should also suffice in proving that a cast of many characters make up those who get pulled over DUI. They're from every walk of life and circumstance. Rich, poor, educated and not. I hope it's painless, nonetheless.
  2. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    You are really doing incredibly well. Your strength is inspiring to many. I too feel like I need to succeed to help others succeed. Having our team here has been like a lifeline to sobriety. Not sure I could have done this without your support and the support of others here. It is amazing really.

    Do not worry about the classes. Just keep an open mind and get through it. We are here routing for you without judgement. We all make mistakes. You were simply treating your PTSD with heroin.
  3. tryhard
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    A mate so good to read how good your going and I wish it was me ...
    Plow on friend , you show us Mel's....
    On my way to work , cant stay , talk after work ....

    Andy
  4. Mr Bumble
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Fucking awesome girl, love ya's xxx
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