I really need some support, please help me - Part 153

By marathonmel7 · Dec 25, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 24, merry fucking christmas haha. Well, last night I went over to my friends house for christmas dinner. It's the first social event I've been to in over a year. It was really nice. The food was good but the conversation was even better. Just picture 8 lesbians sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer and wine. The conversation was hysterical at times. It felt so good to be out with people that love and care about me. Plus, it was the best feeling being sober. I did however, have a beer. I don't drink but i thought what the hell. It tasted good. Just light beer, nothing special. I'm not a drinker.

    Today is a little sad. I don't have any family in town so it's just me alone for the day. I have my dog though of course. I talked to my mom this morning and she's having christmas dinner with my auntie and uncle and their parents. I wish I could be there to celebrate. I miss my family so much. I called my dad but no answer there. I'm sure he's busy drinking himself into oblivion with his new girlfriend. Oh well, I reached out.

    I will be glad when this day is over with. Christmas is so overrated in my opinion. It's a ridiculous holiday. I just like to be with friends and family and screw all the presents and the other bullshit. That should be reserved for the kids I guess. Although eventhen, I think parents get carried away.

    I feel good being sober but it is tempting to think about heroin on a day like this. Sure it'd be cool to kick back and get blasted all day but I am feeling pretty good being sober. My friends were so proud of me last night for that. They know how hard of a year it's been for me. Hopefully, 2015 is much better. It can't get any worse I don't think.

    So, what to do today… hmmm I really don't know. Guess I will just write a lot. Lay low. Maybe nap if I can. We'll see.

    But anyways, just wanted to wish everyone a Happy holiday. Hope you all have a great time with your loved ones. Take care and all the love and support to those that are still fighting for their sobriety. It does get easier as I am living proof. I really don't have cravings. Just random thoughts here and there of it. But, overall it disgusts me. My arms are starting to heal, bruises are fading, tracks are lightening. By next summer hopefully I can wear short sleeves and not feel too paranoid. I've been eating healthier too.

    Next weekend my friend and I are going to start back cycling again. We've both taken quite a bit of time off and are ready to get back into it. Looking forward to that. I am a huge athlete but not while i was on heroin. TIme to get back all the muscle I lost.

    Anyways, guess that's it for now. Take care everyone.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    I agree on the Christmas thing. The real reason for the holiday has disappeared. This season completely fucking stresses me out. I was surrounded by family today and I can honestly say I wished I was alone. Actually, my whole family is downstairs playing games and having a blast. I snuck upstairs to just get away.

    Spent the whole day being the one to cook, serve, and clean up. Yes, everyone helped but the bulk of the work fell to me. Tomorrow I will be the one to clean up my house covered in gifts and wrapping and shit. I used to enjoy this stuff when the kids were little. Now I am just ready for somebody to get married and take over the work!

    I have been feeling pretty down today. Don't exactly know why. Well, I guess I do but I won't take up your thread. You are doing totally awesome. I am incredibly proud of you. I am glad you are getting back to fitness. You will have beautiful sexy arms by next summer!!!! :)

    Happy Holidays love.
  2. guinea.pig
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I'm sorry you couldn't get to be home this year, but I'm glad you did get to have a great night with your friends. Hopefully it'll work out where you can see your family for Christmas next year. My fingers are crossed in hope of it for you, at any rate.

    Christmas should be mostly about friends and family, compassion, and goodwill. It's become a ridiculously commercialized holiday where we're encouraged to buy the most expensive things we can as an expression of love or to assuage the guilt we feel for not spending time with those loved ones the rest of the year. While I love to give gifts to my friends and family, I prefer to spend the time to create things for them instead of buying them - though there are lots of things I lack the talent to make. And more than giving them stuff, I love to spend time with them whenever I can - holiday or not. Sadly, my family is pretty distanced from each other, so my closest friends have become my surrogate family.

    I have no doubt that 2015 is going to be a better year for many of us. I'm looking forward to reading about your journey as you update things here. It's awesome that the start of a whole brand new year is only a few days away. Let the countdown begin!
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!