I really need some support, please help me - Part 162

By marathonmel7 · Jan 3, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 31 continued…

    I'm kind of annoyed because a certain member on the forum tried to lecture me and tell me I'm not sleeping because I drink coffee. Coffee has nothing to do with why I have trouble sleeping. My PTSD is what keeps me from sleeping well. I have terrible flashbacks from my tour in Iraq. I dream of my friends dying and the many times I faced death while there. I've seen bodies burned alive, explosions with body parts flying everywhere, burning vehicles and people, being mortared in the middle of the night with nowhere to run hoping that I wasn't going to die. All this comes back to me when I try to sleep. I have nightmares that keeps these memories alive in my head. It's not a stupid cup of starbucks that keeps me awake at night. I wish it were that simple. People are dumb when they make assumptions about other people. I could get really graphic but I choose not to. I don't talk about my tour in Iraq for a reason. It's private and no one is capable of understanding unless you've been there and I'd venture to say that most haven't been in my situation. There is only one person that understands and that's my best friend, I won't mention her name for privacy reasons. She was with me through everything.

    I don't really want to go into details but I'm just aggravated at this certain member for making a stupid statement. Coffee is what keeps me sane. I drink caffeinated coffee in the mornings, early mornings and decaf in the afternoon. In no way does it affect me.

    Anyways, today was another good day. i was on a natural high because my team won as I already mentioned in my previous post. I'm so excited they are going on to the championships to play Oregon. Let's hope for another win! Woot! Woot!

    I had coffee with a new friend today at a new coffee shop in my neighborhood. It was a nice time. I had never been to this coffee shop and it was nice. The coffee was good too. Now I have a new place to hang out. It was however, pretty chilly here today so we ended our conversation early since we were both cold outside. It was nice to meet a new friend.

    Now, I'm snuggled up with my dog just relaxing. I am really tired. The cold I have really took a lot out of me. Today i was able to eat some soup so I'm getting better and my throat feels much better. Just pretty weak. I don't know what I have but it seems like everyone here is sick. I guess it's just that time of year.

    Anyways, I guess that's it for the night. I am going to go to bed early. Took some nyquil. I feel really rundown. No cravings for dope though. I feel so happy to be clean and sober. It feels amazing and it just gets better and better everyday.

    I start work Monday. I'm looking forward to getting back in the game of life. I still however, am looking for a better job. I am really overqualified for the job I have now. Way overqualified actually. I'm actually thinking about going back to school for a masters degree in business. Not sure yet. I still need time to heal my brain and body from all the drugs. Plus I am still getting off my psych meds. I feel so good though.

    Anyways, I hope everyone has a good night. Keep fighting the good fight. We are all here together, struggling and fighting for the same things. We are doing it though! And without you guys I'd be homeless, living on skid row or something in the cold right now. Just got to keep fighting. Love to you all. Thanks for your support and posts. It means so much. Take care everybody. Goodnight.


  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Well, you have heard me tell people to avoid caffeine if they have anxiety as it is a stimulant but I don't make it a habit to lecture people on their intake (of course if you were in my office bitching about palpitations and drinking 8 cups a day I might point out that your palpitations are likely self inflicted lol). Anyhow, do what works for you and ignore unwanted advice. And as I woke screaming with one of my flashback rape dreams last night I can relate on the other.

    I love your idea about going back to school! You are intelligent and have overcome much. Go for the life you want my friend! Go for it!!

    Glad you are feeling better. Love to you.
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