I really need some support, please help me - Part 177

By marathonmel7 · Jan 16, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 43…

    Went to the VA today to see the doctor. He echoed what I already knew and I have shingles. So they gave me Acyclovir 800mg to be taken once every four hours for ten days. They also gave me lidocaine cream which doesn't do shit. He initially was going to give me tramadol but then retracted for whatever reason. I explained to him my issues as to why this happened and he told me to see mental health. Fucking VA doctors. How hard would it have been for him to prescribe me some meds to help with my anxiety and sleep disorders. So, I go back to primary care on the 21st for a follow up. I then, have to try and get back into mental health but the last time I was there my doc told me she wouldn't treat me unless I got on methadone. The VA's answer to everything. So, I am going to have to find a civilian doctor to help me. I cannot keep going on as I am. Yeah, I may be sober but I'm a walking nightmare with a lot of issues that need some treating. For now however, I got some xanax and some vicodin for emergencies from my dealer. I do have prescriptions for these things however, I ran out. So, say what you want. I really don't care due to the fact that I am heroin free.

    I just find it ridiculous that for three years using heroin I never once got sick. I was sleeping every night and actually able to eat and manage my anxiety. I realize this is just an opiate bandaid and is not a solution to my problems. But, now I get sober and I get strep throat for Christmas, the flu for New Years then a week and half later I get the shingles. Such a fucking mess. Oh and add to it a herniated disc along with my bulging discs and I feel like walking pile of garbage.

    I texted my Mom today to tell her about these things and she was a total bitch to me and replied that I was acting like a smart ass. How the hell was I doing this? I have no idea what I did to her. I don't even want to get into my family dynamic right now but let's just say it took my Mom and I about ten years to get our relationship back on track because of what she did to me as a child/young adult and then when my parents divorced she turned into a nightmare. I don't want to even get into it. I don't know if she was just having a bad day or misconstrued my text message as something it wasn't meant to be. I have no idea what I did to her. It just adds to my stress so I'm not going to talk to her for a bit and let her just do what she's doing. I clearly, can't handle anymore stress.

    Then I went to the leasing office. I am late on my rent, I had to re-sign my lease and it went up another 100$. It's an LA wide thing. Some people's rent went up 18%. Mine just went up 6%. It's fucking ridiculous. How does a resident of one year have to pay more money by staying somewhere? Seriously? I hate this fucking city but I can't leave because I can't afford to and I have legal issues.

    Which reminds me. I went to probation Monday as I was supposed to and waited there for them to tell me my case is still not even in the system. I got arrested in June I believe. How the hell is my case not in the system? Is anyone doing their fucking job here in LA or is everyone just fucking off or are there too many convicts and drug addicts to manage? Seriously?!

    I don't know anymore. You try and do the right thing and you still get screwed. My life was a lot less complicated when I was a junkie. Not really but sometimes it feels this way.

    Anyways, I am off of work today. I work tomorrow. Hope everyone else is doing well. Thanks for your replies to my shingles inquiry. I already knew pretty much what everyone said but I just needed an extra "push" to get off my ass and go to the VA. It actually was pretty painless today because they weren't busy. I go to a different VA now and it is much better than my old one. A lot less busy and the people seem like their IQ level is higher.

    Anyways, that is all for now. Another day in Mr. Roger's neighborhood...

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    I feel for you. Yes, detox suppresses the immune system so when you stopped using the body got overstressed and you got sick...repeatedly. It's quite common. I also think you had the double whammy of sobriety and then no treatment for the mental health issues which really added to the anxiety and stress. The whole thing sucks.

    Drugs don't fix things. They just make it seem like things are better. Then we get clean and shit just comes rushing back. I think your idea of a civilian doctor is a good one. Or consider methadone in the short term. It will help your back pain and allow you to get a plan in place for the anxiety and PTSD.

    See if you can get gabapentin. Freaking wonder drug for shingles...way better than narcotics. I honestly have had the most success with this drug when treating shingles. Hang in there. I am thinking of you and wish I could make it all go away.
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