Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Day 44, almost six weeks. Can't believe I've made it this far. I surely couldn't do it without all of you guys so thank you from the bottom of my heart for hanging in there through my entire thread to support me through constant bitching and relapsing.
Today I woke up to find I was laying on my side with the shingles. Jesus. Talk about pain. This pain is a whole different level. I'd go back to the doctor if I had the time but I simply don't today. I don't know why I didn't ask him for gabapentin but if it gets worse I will go tomorrow and see about getting some. Not sure that will even help but I'm up for trying anything.
Last night I was itching all over my body so I took some hydroxizine and it actually helped. That combined with xanax actually put me to sleep for seven hours which is unheard of for me to sleep. Hydroxizine never makes me tired but last night I think it was a nice mix. I was able to sleep straight through from 130-830 this morning. Felt so good but I'm still tired. Wish I could continue sleeping but my body won't allow for more. I just have to be grateful for what I did get.
This morning the pain was out of this world. The only thing that helps is icing the infected area. So, I immediately got up and took my anti-vitals, hydroxizine and got the ice on my side. I drank some coffee, smoked my cigarettes and now I feel better. The topical lidocaine isn't doing a damn thing for the pain. As far as I can tell, the shingles hasn't spread to any other part of my body even though I am itching like crazy. I'm being super careful to not re-use towels and replace my clothing after just one use. I don't want this shit migrating to any other part of my body. That would be horrible. The most common places to get it is your head, torso, and eyes. I have it on my torso, my side/back. Right now my rash is all blisters. I will not pop them or anything. I'm just letting it do it's own thing. From what I've read once they scab over they are not contagious. I don't however, trust the literature and I'm keeping the area covered and away from all others. I probably shouldn't go to work but I can't afford to miss anymore work. I have to go in. I'm washing my hands all the time. Constantly.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. My friend got them when we were deployed to IRaq and she was immediately sent to Germany and then home to Walter Reed Medical Center. You can't have this kind of shit and be in a third world country.
Narcotics definitely don't help shingles as JD already mentioned. I took some thinking maybe, just maybe they would help but not at all. Useless.
If I don't feel better then tomorrow I will go back to the doctor. I do however, have a follow up appointment next week so hopefully, I can just stick it out until then. The VA traumatizes me and for whatever reason vets always feel compelled to talk to me. They want to know what branch of service i was in, what wars I was in and various other questions. It's super fucking annoying and I try not to get near anyone. I don't want to fucking talk about anything. Yesterday, when I was there a group of people were chatting about heroin addiction and alcoholism. It was really annoying and I found myself get up and move to the other side of the waiting room. I can't sit there and listen to heroin talk. Nope.
One good thing that has happened is, I've met a guy from an online internet dating site. He's really awesome. We are so much alike yet our life stories are so different. He's from Spain but lives here. He's been a lot of places and is super intelligent. We've talked every night on the phone for hours and hours. He's coming to see me for the first time this weekend. We've never met but I'm so excited to see him. He's been a huge support to me being sick with the shingles and all. He's checked up on me everyday, throughout the day and was the one that urged me to go to the doctor. I feel stupid writing this but he is amazing and I'm so impressed we are talking. It gives me hope that maybe, just maybe there is love in my future. I've told him things I haven't told other people in my life. I just can't wait to physically meet him. Earlier this week we were talking like 5 hours a night on the phone. It's crazy. Anyways, I don't want to get too worked up because i always get let down. But, he knows about my addiction and it's great to be able to talk about it with him.
Anyways, I've got to get going. Hope everyone else has a good day. I have to work a longer shift today which I'm not super happy about. But, whatever. I need the money. Hope everyone has a good day and thank you to all that have been there for me. This is a super long thread and it's amazing to me how you all have hung in there for me so long. Truly incredible. I am so lucky. So, thank you to all.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 179