I really need some support, please help me - Part 180

By marathonmel7 · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 45, SIX WEEKS, WOO HOO! Well, another milestone made. Can't fucking believe it considering the adversity I'm facing at the moment.

    Thanks all who posted on my thread regarding the shingles. You didn't tell me anything I didn't really already know other than I don't have herpes (STD). I clearly have shingles. It's hard to have an STD when you haven't been sexually active for so long. Not going to go into details there but just take my word for it. So yeah that was a major mistake written. Just want to clarify. People with genital herpes don't get an outbreak on their torsos where mine is located.

    Today it's looking better. I'm on major medication though. About 3200 mg of my anti-viral per day. I take it every four hours with the exception at bedtime per doctor's orders. The pain is unreal though. The ONLY thing that helps is icing the infected area for about thirty minutes. That provides me with some relief afterwords. But medicine doesn't help and narcotics are useless as JD mentioned previously.

    Today is an ok day though. I'm going to meet my new flame tonight for the first time after talking for an insane amount of hours on the telephone this week. I can't wait but I'm nervous too. I have hope though. He is equally excited from what I can tell. We are both very much alike and it's pure chance on how we met on the internet. There's actually an interesting story behind it all. But, his brother serves in the Air Force and his sister is a psychologist. So, he's really passionate about the military which is nice to have that extra support. He's always wanting to know things about the Army and my time in Iraq which are top secret. I keep trying to explain to him that I'm bounded by my clearance and my loyalty to never disclose that sort of info although he does press. Anyways. I'd say he knows more about me right now than anyone else. Crazy. We've spent hours and hours on the phone. 5 hours the first night, 5 hours the second night, then 3 hours, and 2 hours and so on and so forth. A lot of talking time. I am excited. For the first time I feel like I've met some quality. And it's a total accident as to how we met. So, today is the day. He will be traveling here from where he lives which is kinda far away. Sucks.

    Other than that, same old shit around here. I have been taking hydroxizine for my itching which is working and then xanax for sleep which is also working. So, for three days I've slept almost like a human person and hadn't had to wake up like a total vampire. Although still partial haha.

    Hope everyone is well. I am going to go rest my tired, ragged body. Hope everyone has a good weekend and if you're using heroin, just fucking stop. It can be done. I am living proof. There is light at the end of the black tunnel even if it is shingles, PTSD and a fucked up family.

    marathonmel7 added 147 Minutes and 29 Seconds later...

    Believe in Me - Lenny Kravitz

    Where's the love we had?
    When did it go bad or am I just insecure?
    I give all I can, baby, I'm your man
    Tell me what we're in this for, remind me

    I can't go on, I know not what to do
    My heart is worn, I feel as if I'm through
    Please believe in me 'cause what I need
    Is for you to believe in me

    Countless sleepless nights, never ending fights
    I'm trying to make your dreams come true
    I will sacrifice to find paradise
    But I need to know that you're behind me

    I can't go on, I know not what to do
    My heart is worn, I feel as if I'm through
    Please believe in me 'cause what I need
    Is for you to believe in me

    I can't go on, I know not what to do
    My heart is worn, I feel as if I'm through
    Please believe in me 'cause what I need
    Is for you to believe in me

    I can't go on, I know not what to do
    My heart is worn, I feel as if I'm through
    Please believe in me 'cause what I need
    Is for you to believe in me

    To believe in me
    To believe in me
    To believe in me
    To believe in me

    marathonmel7 added 1410 Minutes and 28 Seconds later...

    Day 46, super fucking anxious. Just popped some xanax so I don't have an anxiety attack. I slept pretty good overall but my shingles are really fucking painful and they wake me up at night and then I go to ice them, numb them and then fall back asleep. It's the only thing that works for the pain. All the blisters popped so now they are all scabbed. The Anti-virals are working for sure. They should be considering how high of a mg I am on. Every four hours I take them.

    I feel like a rat in a cage right now circling around like a psychotic nut. I hope this feeling passes. I woke up calm, don't know what happened. Usually I get major anxiety in the morning and then again at night. It's pretty predictable.

    I just keep going despite all these setbacks. Just moving forward the best I know how to. Today I'm supposed to meet the guy I've been talking to. Hope it works out. I'm incredibly excited. Although if we just talk on the phone that will be nice too. It's always a lot of fun and fantastic conversation. I'd rather proceed slow. We've only been at this for a week.

    Anyways, I'd like to get my readers up to 50,000. Hoping this thread can accomplish it. If anyone wants to refer my thread to others that need support by all means, do so. But, I don't expect you to promote my thread. Just as a source of support for others.

    Hope everyone is well. I really wanted some heroin last night. But, I got over it. It passed. I refuse to keep needles in my house or I'd trigger myself and most likely on a weak night relapse. That's the main safeguard I have for myself. No needles.

    I will write more later. Off to watch football. Yep, my favorite Saturday and Sunday activity.

Comments

  1. LuLu81
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Just popping in quick to say good luck with your friend.

    That's definitely a good idea not keeping needles around. When i relapsed, i was picking up my methadone from the chemist (go every two weeks) and a guy we knew told us he was dealing. We might have been ok if the chemist, wasn't also a needle exchange, especially as it would have been too late to get to the next nearest before it closed.
    Anyways hope you feel better soon, glad your managing to get more sleep, hoping its not just because your body is rundown.
    Lu
  2. Mr Bumble
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Nice one Mel, congrats getting this far, you can go all the way honey. Shingles sounds bloody horrible though, good to see you soldiering on. This guy sounds cool but don't give to much away to easily, not talking about your body but your heart, that's the part that stands to lose and gain the most. He sounds like a cool guy and really hope he is. Let me know how it goes.
  3. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    You really sound good despite the shingles pain. I am proud of you. It seems like you have turned that corner and are ready to get back to life sober. I can't wait to hear more about this guy! Just go slow love. We want you happy. :)
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