I really need some support, please help me - Part 189

By marathonmel7 · Jan 31, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 56…

    Well today was another let down. I talked to another recruiter and he said my DUI is a big setback for trying to get me a job. He doesn't have any opportunities in LA either. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'm hoping this other recruiter can help me more. He seems optimistic about getting me that sit-down with the director of the west coast operations for the company that I'm interested in. If I can just get an opportunity to talk to this guy I believe I can have a better chance at getting into the company even if it is only doing admin stuff. Either way, just please have some hope for me. I don't believe in god or anything so for those of you that do please pray for me. Even though I don't believe in that sort of thing combined positive energy can help. At least that is what I believe. I'm hoping the universe is kind to me and helps me.

    I wrote my Mom yesterday and told her that all my life i have fought things tooth and nail and made my life overly difficult by rebelling against everything. Right now I am letting the universe take control of what will become of me. Of course, I am putting in all the effort in the world to try and improve my life. Some good things are happening its just slowly. So, I guess I can't be totally negative. Although my personality is quite dark and very pessimistic. I'm trying to change that and become more positive in hope that I will attract more positive things in my life.

    I am excited because I now have a job on DF. I am a part of the OOO crew and will be working on improving the heroin forums here on DF with the mentorship from the mods. I feel that I need to give back to DF because this place has given me so much support. I will do my best to fulfill my duties and help out. I will be spending quite a bit of time this weekend cleaning up the heroin section. It's got a lot of work to be done. So, I feel thankful to have a job here on the forum plus it gives me the opportunity to support others and I can learn some more stuff about the way DF works and meet more of the mods. I have so much respect for them.

    Unfortunately, my guy can't come see me this weekend because he got sent to northern california for a work detail. I am really bummed. I wanted to see him so badly. He is amazing and I will leave it at that for now. We have only known one another for three weeks and to tell you the truth I've never believed in soul mates but I believe i just met mine. I will contain my feelings though for now and keep some of this private within my thread. As things progress I will write more. Long distance sucks but I did it in the Army for years so I can do it now no problem. It just sucks. I want to be able to wake up to the person I am with and do things on a daily basis with them. But, that can't be for right now so I have to rely on our daily chats. We talk extensively though and know a lot about each other. We talk for hours and hours sometimes. It's amazing. I just wish I could hold his hand and look into his eyes. That's what sobriety gives you, love. Love comes in all forms. We have a friendship that's blossoming that's building a wonderful foundation for a lovely relationship. I am so happy in this area of my life. But, I'd die for more time with him. There's plenty of things to look forward to though. I have an open heart which is the most important thing. I haven't had one in three years nor a relationship so this is all new and very special to me.

    I'm stoked I'm almost at 60 days sober, two whole months. I am so happy. It's been so hard. I've had so many setbacks and I couldn't have done this without all of you readers and responders. I've made some friends on here that I am very lucky to have in my life. I don't feel so alone now. I feel like i can reach out and I've shed the heroin cocoon which is amazing.

    Today it rained and I loved every minute of it. I love dark, depressing days with drastic weather. I love, snow and rain and overcast days over sunny days. They make me the happiest. I like the nighttime better, no sun. I am different, I know. I'd love to relocate to an area where there was more of this like Seattle or Alaska or something. My guy feels the same way. We are both very dark individuals.

    Anyways, I'm not really up for writing too much tonight. Trying to calm myself. I see colors a lot when I have rapid thoughts. They are very distracting especially at night when I try to sleep. I attribute certain colors to certain feelings. I like it best when I see shades of purple, blue, red and black. i hate yellows, green, orange and brown. It's weird. I can't explain it.

    So, hope everyone is doing well. Thinking of all of you that are fighting similar battles. The RA section has done so well in terms of recovery. We are a tight nit group and I've noticed there are more joining us. I'm so happy about that. I will try and get onto other people's threads tomorrow and catch up. But, I will be doing a lot of work in the heroin forum too. So, you can catch me over there.

    Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. It's Super Bowl weekend here which is great for me. I love football although NFL is not the same for me. I am a college football nut as you all already know. I do however, want Seattle to win the Super Bowl. I will be watching Sunday.

    Anyways, goodnight all. Update tomorrow.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    Reading your last few entries makes me smile. I know things are tough but you are handling it well. You are growing in your recovery and it makes me happy. I am very proud of your sober time and how you keep fighting. Stay the path and your universe will reward you.

    Congrats on the DF job!!! Awesome! Love to you my friend.
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