I really need some support, please help me - Part 190

By marathonmel7 · Feb 1, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 57…

    I have so much to say yet little time to say it so this will be short but I will add more later. There was another death in my family last night due to cancer. That makes three deaths in four months in my family. My mom is distraught and I don't know how to help her being that I'm 4,000 miles away. It's just more shit to add to the pile.

    I have a DUI class this morning and I am in one big grumpy mood and I don't want to miss the Super Bowl so this guy better keep it short today. I am walking out when it's super bowl time. End of story.

    Last night was a hard night. I wanted to relapse pretty badly after hearing the news that my family member had died and my mom being upset. I don't want her to be upset. She has enough on her plate. I feel like I contribute to her worries too. I have recently avoided delving in to my personal issues with her as to keep her safe from my drama. Plus, we've had some recent tension and I know my mom very well and I see it could progress into a big fight if I don't back off. So, I've kept communication strictly to email and that's about it. It's flowing better like this. She'll come around or maybe she won't. This is just the life cycle of our relationship.

    Anyways, feeling really alone right now. This is hard. You'd think after two months I'd get it together but I'm still in the fighting stage. Sucks. I have to go shower though for my class. I will update more later. Take care all.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    Sorry for your loss. You have had a very tough couple of weeks. Although you feel overwhelmed, you have NOT relapsed. You have stayed strong and sober. That is huge and we are all so proud of your strength.

    I have a very complicated relationship with my mother. I think many of us do. I love her but we don't always see things the same and this makes it hard for me to connect and feel close to her. I wish often that I could just be me around her and not have to play the role of the daughter she wants. Not sure if that makes sense or not?

    Hope your day goes ok. Thinking of you.
  2. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Your poor mom must be beside herself. Just do what you can for her and continue, as you have been, fighting the good fight. You do have the strength to do this, Mel. When you get home, get comfy, get some snacks ready and watch the game and enjoy the Superbowl. Tomorrow is another day.

    Hugs,

    B
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