I really need some support, please help me - Part 196

By marathonmel7 · Feb 7, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Day 63…

    I don't really know where to start right now. So much is going on. I am going in for a procedure next week that will determine if I need my mitral valve replaced. I don't want to get into details just please wish me luck. I don't want to have to undergo surgery. I also don't want to have a heart attack and at the rate things are going I will. I have never been this stressed out in my life with the exception of being deployed.

    Yesterday I cried for the first time in years. I cried hard too. My friend was supposed to come home today from afghanistan but instead, got blown up there and is now coming home in a box, pieces of him. I am so saddened by this. You have no idea. And my best friend is headed there in a week. She's currently at Fort Bliss, doing some training and then they fly to Kuwait and on into Afghanistan from there. I can't handle another loss. I actually can't handle one more single thing negative in my life or I will literally go off the deep end.

    I searched and searched for a psychiatrist with experience in ptsd on the civilian side of the house and can't find one so I settled on one that specializes in anxiety. I am calling her monday and going to try and set up an appointment. I need to be seen. I have to get my health back on track.

    Tonight my guy is coming to see me. At least, as of now he is. Work isn't keeping him past 7 hopefully, then he'll drive to my house. I told him I just want to see him smile and to go out and get a mojito. I'm dying for one after the week I've had. So I'm just crossing my fingers that nothing happens to keep us from seeing each other. I'd be crushed if he couldn't make it after us already making plans. His job is intense. After this rotation, he is getting some time off but right now he's working so many hours, six days a week. It's crazy.

    Anyways, I am going to go lay down. I'm feeling a little run down even though I slept last night with the temazapam. I know I will be up all night with my guy tonight. We don't sleep when we are together. And why not, we only get such a short amount of time together.

    Take care everyone.


  1. BeachWalk
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Thinking of you Mel and hope you're doing okay. You are one strong woman. I am sorry about your friend who died. Such a tragic loss. Keep journaling -- you are getting healthier every day - even though it probably doesn't feel like it. But it shows in your writing.
  2. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)


    Just checking on you. Sent you a PM. I had a thought about your heart issue and am concerned. Please let us know how you are doing. Are you running fevers?
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