I really need some support, please help me - Part 206

By marathonmel7 · Feb 28, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Thanks beach walk. I just really want to be with my dog though in the comfort of my own home. I feel so sad that I haven't talked to my guy. I am so worried about him and his family. He's going through so much. He works an insane amount of hours, we are long distance. I feel like maybe he's losing interest in me or that's my mind playing tricks on me. I don't know. Maybe my health stuff is too much for him to handle? i don't know. I just want to hear his voice. He's so comforting to me. I'd be so much more calm if I heard from him right now… so sad.

    I don't want to get back on anti-depressants. They suck. They don't work for me either. Since I got off of them I've felt much better. Much more intelligent, better memory, etc. I don't really want to go back down that road. I'd be ok getting back on prozac but it makes me lose weight and I am only 112lbs right now. I can't lose anymore. The docs are already really upset about my weight. I keep losing since I've been sick. Can hardly eat right now and the anxiety is making things so much worse and if I get on anti-depressants it will only be worse. THen, I will never eat. Anyways… I don't want to complain too much more. I have already complained enough and you all are so supportive I don't want to be negative for you all.

    Thanks for the message though. I am up and all alone and it made me smile and made me think that yeah, you're right he's probably just trying to figure out how to best take care of his family. I just need closure before bed. I need to know he's ok and his mom's condition. This sucks not knowing. IT's so hard. Ugh.

    marathonmel7 added 72 Minutes and 8 Seconds later...

    And… so sexually frustrated. Being off heroin has made my sex drive sky rocket. I can't keep up. It'd be nice to be intimate with my guy right now. That would help my anxiety. Plus my feelings for him are deep which makes it all the better. But man, after opiates my sex drive is just uncontrollable. Probably TMI for people but what the hell haha. Might as well throw this in there for fun tonight. Although my doc said no sex right now. Yeah right.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    Mel,

    First, you are NOT worthless. No matter what mistakes we make in life each person has inherent worth. Period. Get your head around that concept.

    Next, you are under an enormous amount of stress. I understand endocarditis better than most providers. I work in cardiology and see it frequently but more to the point I had the personal experience of caring for my father for months when he got it. I slept on his sofa to care for him. I gave him all his IV meds. I know how exhausting and depressing the illness is. I was completely freaked that I might lose him but I did not. He was almost 70 when all this shit went down. You are younger and stronger. Ask about financial support for veterans who are this sick. I asked one of my VA patients about that this week and he said his buddy had gotten help when he was sick with cancer. It can't hurt to ask.

    The morphine the doctor is giving you is not really for your back pain. Morphine is immensely helpful in treating heart failure by reducing pressures. He is "killing 2 birds with 1 stone" by giving you that. It helps the heart first and also reduces your back pain.

    PM me with the names of your antibiotics. I may be able to suggest herbs that can help with your mood but I want to make sure they do not interact with your medications.

    Hang in Mel. That is all you can do right now. The body follows the mind. Right now your body needs positive thoughts to lead you to wellness. May sound corny but it is true. Let go of the guilt. Yes, heroin use put you here but you quit. YOU got yourself clean. YOU are strong enough. Right now what is most important is loving yourself and finding the strength to forgive yourself and fight all this shit. We are all here to be your sounding board. Go to youtube and find meditation videos. Watch them several times daily. Sit outside in the warm sun each day. Sunlight is literally healing. Get to nature a little bit each day. Find a local park and just sit and smell clean air and listen to the birds. If you are near a beach, go there daily. Beaches and mountains literally have air with ions that promote healing. There is an actual biological reason people feel better in these locations. Get lavendar/rosemary aromatherapy oil and put it on your wrists daily. Smell it frequently. Rest. You can do this Mel. You can my friend, you can.

    Much, much love to you!!

    Jungledog added 28 Minutes and 2 Seconds later...

    And e-smoking did NOT cause endocarditis. Nicotine is still a stimulant though so it is less than ideal for your stressed heart. So if you can reduce it that would be good. On the other hand, if the vaping really reduces your stress then just use it. Keeping calm right now is very important.

    Jungledog added 118 Minutes and 27 Seconds later...

    Mel,

    I asked and was granted permission to openly share this site with you and others. Check out an organization called modestneeds.org. It is a non-profit, reputable organization that is designed to help people pay their bills during times of crisis. You go and explain your situation and apply. Modest Needs will request information to check out that your financials are true. Then they post your request and people will donate to you.

    The money is not meant to be just a gift. When you are back on your feet, then you turn around and help others in need. My family donates here regularly. It made Forbes top list of best non profits. Check it out. It may save your money issue now and empower you to help others in the future.

    To everyone else, look into Modest Needs and see if you can find $10 or $20 dollars or more to help others. It adds up and makes a difference. On this site, you can choose exactly who you want your money to go to. It is very, very cool. I usually select people who are ill and are unable to work and face losing everything or young single parents who are working their asses off for minimum wage and can't stay afloat. To me, these people deserve help. My family has faced financial crisis in the past. We were blessed to have family to help. Not everyone has that option. So I like becoming family to these strangers. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to help other Americans. Too much bad shit in the world, this is a place that offers hope and light. Donating will bring you joy. The site is safe and secure. We are clean now. Let's help others!!!

    Love to you all.
  2. BeachWalk
    Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)

    What a wonderful organization JD. In particular, Mel, I think this type of request called Homecoming Heroes would be a perfect fit for you.

    Modest Needs is proud to support military veterans who have recently returned from overseas deployment through our Homecoming Heroes Grant - a special program designed to prevent our veterans from slipping into poverty as they work to make the difficult transition from overseas deployment to civilian life.

    https://www.modestneeds.org/for-applicants/grants-types-hh.asp
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