Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support for my 90 day milestone. Today was rough I was very very ill. I had to spend most of my day in bed and the nurse had to do practically everything for me. I couldn't even hardly eat today. I was so weak I had to take a shower seated and blow drying my hair took everything out of me and I almost passed out. It sucked. I am so weak. But I am getting better in terms of my coughing. I think the pulmonary edema is better. I go to the doc on Wednesday so we will see how I'm really doing. This is my third week of antibiotics for the endocarditis and my first week for the pulmonary edema. I think I am getting better but today was a setback for sure.
I am excited because i am going to my first red carpet event on the 16th with a friend of mine. It's the season premiere of dancing with the stars and he invited me as his date. I am going to get all dressed up and enjoy the party. I am really excited to get out and do something fun. Plus I've never been to a red carpet event as I said. We are meeting for coffee Wednesday too. He knew I was dating someone previously so we remained friends but now he'd like to get to know me a little bit more and date if I am interested. I told him what the last guy did to me and that i'm pretty heartbroken so he said we'd just take things slowly and build a good friendship first and if I am interested in dating him he'd love to take care of me he stated. We'll see. My heart is still very much tied to my previous guy. I really cared for him, loved him as a friend and was falling in love with him. I am getting over it though slowly. We'll see. Can't shut the world out just cause of one douche bag. But I am in no rush to get back out there and get hurt again and I will be quite more reserved this time. I don't want to reveal too much too fast. I just want to take things slowly and make a good friendship and if anything should develop then cool. But, I have NO expectations. He is very handsome though and works for CBS. He can get me in to see a lot of cool shows so I think we will be doing a lot of fun things. Hollywood isn't really my scene but I've always wanted to go to a red carpet event and this is a very exclusive event. I am happy and lucky to be his date for the night. Maybe I will meet some new friends. That would be nice. I don't really have too many here in LA. So, I'd like to get out, let my hair down, have a drink and socialize even though I am really shy. He is shy too though. But he invited my Mom to the event too but she is in Florida so that's not going to happen obviously. I just thought it was sweet cause he knows my Mom loves the show. So anyways, that's the deal with that.
Today I finally got ALL my rent paid. These assholes can suck it. They got their 3600 dollars from last month and this month. Next month will be much better cause my roommate will be contributing 600 towards my rent which will help me immensely. I owe my dad back the money he let me borrow today. I am just thankful I got it all paid and don't have to get evicted onto the street. I am still looking for some government assistance though especially since I am ill. Plus my current job cut my hours so I am not really getting much income in.
Still haven't heard back on the jobs. i am keeping my fingers crossed. I am ready anytime to start. Just waiting on the last interview I have to do with the District manager of the west coast. It's an international company so we'll see. He's supposed to be in LA this week so cross your fingers for me!
OTher than that, that's about it. Just hanging in there and doing what I've got to do. Hoping I won't have to have heart surgery. That would be so wonderful if I don't have to go through that but I am so weak right now it's not looking too good for me. We'll see, that's all I can do is wait and just follow my doc's directions.
To those of you that know of Tryhard or Andy that has a journal on here too. He is doing so so. He's living in his car right now, trying to quit heroin and get his DF account fixed so he can get back on and post. I have his number but it's international and I don't really have a way to call him. I'm going to pick up a calling card this week and call him to check on him. I will let you all know if and when I hear from him. He's been super supportive of me since I started my thread and I care about him immensely. So I will let you guys know.
Anyways, I've got to go to bed. I have to be up super early tomorrow for court. Wish me luck. Court rooms make me so nervous. I am always afraid I will be sent to jail.
Take care all and once again, as always thank you ALL for your never ending support. It means the world to me and keeps me going on days like today when I feel like giving up. Love to you all!
marathonmel7 added 13 Minutes and 33 Seconds later...
Oh and I guess I should add that it's day 93… just keep on going… that's the intent. Just keep going. Someday I will look back on all this and it will all be over. I can't wait for that day. I truly can't. No more heroin, court, fines, fees, financial issues, job issues, health issues, family issues, guy issues, etc. Someday there will be peace I hope. Someday my PTSD will be under control and I will be able to live life normally I hope. Oh and today I got my best friend's address of where she's in Afghanistan. I am going to send her a care package with some goodies this week or next week. I just want her to know I'm thinking of her. I know how lonely it is to be deployed especially when she's without her husband and kids and pets. IT's so damn difficult so I am going to send her a little piece of home. Looking forward to it. Her husband texts me a few times a week to let me know she's ok. He's the sweetest man. I believe they've been married for 11 years now and are both in the military. He just got back from Afghanistan and then they sent her. IT's such bullshit. I hate the Army and our government. But that's a whole other story. I will end it here. Goodnight all!
I really need some support, please help me - Part 217