Re: I really need some support, please help me (Heroin)
Thank you Monkey and to everyone else. I really appreciate those that have taken the time to read my thread. It is so long and filled with such ups and downs. I really do appreciate the feedback from you guys and you are what keep me going and family and friends and my dog. I just try and do my best everyday. A lot of sleeping right now and laying in bed but what can you do, ya know? It's either this or the hospital and I sure as hell am not going to hang out in the hospital for two months. Fuck that. No way.
I like being in the comfort of my own bed with my dog and my roommate here for emotional support. It's all good. Things will get better. They have to. I don't honestly think they can get any worse. This is one hard life lesson for sure and I'm learning a lot about myself through the process. But, your words and the other's that follow me are invaluable. Better than any gift I could ever receive. This site has made my life repairable and I just keep going with the hopes that someday this will all be behind me and I will be reborn again a healthy, loving, strong individual.
I've met some amazing people on here. It's been great! Anyone who takes their precious time to read my thread is very important to me. I'm almost at 70,000 followers. What a great accomplishment. It's so rewarding. I am sorry I don't post as much but I don't like to always post negative stuff. ANd right now there's a lot of negativity in my life due to the health issues. At any rate, I just want people to know that we are all here supporting one another and if it weren't for all of you I'd be living in my car or on the streets or worse.
So thank you to all that continue to support me with their kind words and read my journal. I know it's got a little of everything in it and I hope at least something touches another human being on here and helps them. It is not impossible to come back from addiction it just takes time and I'd be so much more further along had I not had all this health issues and complications.
So, take care all. I'm over the 100 day mark on sobriety. I asked my doc to cut my morphine out but he said he wouldn't. He said Ihave to stay on it. So I'm not happy about that but whatever is best for my heart and they just don't think I'm strong enough to deal with the chronic pain on top of everything else. But honestly, I don't really feel the morphine. It just keeps my back in check and bp down which is the end result I guess. So, I am doing what I am told or they threatened me with a hospital stay for up to two months. NO WAY!
I will take my freedom at home and it's important for me to be with my dog each day. He is a healer and loves me and takes care of me. Saturday night when I fell and my heart stopped beating he immediately got my roommate up which was awesome. He just senses when I need help and he whines or paws at my chest. He's brilliant that little creature of mine and we've been through everything together. He's saved my life many times and I need to be with him daily. I love him more than words.
But anyways, at the risk of getting too sappy I will end this post. Goodngiht everyone. I have this stupid rash so I took some benadryl and it's making me sleepy for once in my life haha. I think it's just my combo of meds.
I've also cut down on my e cig nicotine level. I'm down to 18mg/ml. I will keep going down as I see fit but I don't see cessation happening. It and coffee are my vices. Although I mix decaf and caf now in my coffee to try and cut back on my caffeine intake as the doc has suggested. I'm still happy with the result. I get a little jolt in the mornings or afternoon depending on when I wake up and it feels nice and relaxing. Cant do tea, never could. My roommate loves tea but not me. I hate it.
So, goodnight all. Have a happy st patricks day tomorrow for you irish folk. I may just have a beer myself to celebrate! But cinco de mayo is coming and you best bet I will be having my margarita haha!
Goodnight all - love to ALL of you!
I really need some support, please help me - Part 221