Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Hey guys, thanks for the kind works. I'm in between cleaning jobs right now and thought I'd post a little something before I go back out there. As far as deleting the number of my connect, last night I told him not to ask me if I want H anymore. I expressed to him how hard it is quitting and that it's triggering to text me and bring it up. I do get xanax from him though so I still need him around. My doctor has it prescribed for me but I'd rather just buy it off the streets. Then I don't have to listen to my doc blah blah blah and lecture me about it. I don't use xanax very much. Just mostly to sleep when I don't have my ambien. Anyways today I am sober. i had half an adderall this morning but that's all. I am doing well today, no withdrawal symptoms but I know they are coming. i know they won't be very bad since I haven't been using very much and I've taken three days in between usage. But, I feel great about my new job. It's very rewarding to go in and make a mess look polished in clean when you're finished. People are quite dirty sometimes. haha
Anyways, it seems like a lot of DF'ers do the same profession as me. It's interesting because I thought I was the only one slaving away cleaning homes. I really like it though and as I mentioned my mother does it too and she's 61. I don't know how she does it everyday being that age. Both her hips are bothering her she said. I feel bad and wish I had the money to take care of my Mom. But, first I have to take care of me. I have a lot to catch up on financially. I have a lot of work to do to get sober too. I don't even want to get high. This last batch I got I threw it away after one shot. I didn't even want to get high again. So, I sense things are changing inside my head. I am also back to cycling again. I have a ride scheduled for Sunday with my friend. I am looking forward to it.
THings are good for right now. I hope they steadily improve as time goes on. I know I can do this and I thank all of you guys for your support. I can't do it without you. i don't have anyone where I live to support me so it's nice to come online and read other people's comments and realize I'm not alone. SO many people are battling addiction and heroin addiction at that. It's so hard. But, I'm going to do it. i know I've said that before but I really feel ready. My usage went from everyday to every other day to every third or fourth day now. So, it's getting there. I just have to let it go for good now. With this new job I don't think about H when I am working. i'm not obsessing over it. I feel so busy that I am not thinking of anything actually. It's great.
Anyways, off to my second job for today. Thanks for being there. Take care.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 75