I really need some support, please help me - Part 75

By marathonmel7 · Aug 12, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hey guys, thanks for the kind works. I'm in between cleaning jobs right now and thought I'd post a little something before I go back out there. As far as deleting the number of my connect, last night I told him not to ask me if I want H anymore. I expressed to him how hard it is quitting and that it's triggering to text me and bring it up. I do get xanax from him though so I still need him around. My doctor has it prescribed for me but I'd rather just buy it off the streets. Then I don't have to listen to my doc blah blah blah and lecture me about it. I don't use xanax very much. Just mostly to sleep when I don't have my ambien. Anyways today I am sober. i had half an adderall this morning but that's all. I am doing well today, no withdrawal symptoms but I know they are coming. i know they won't be very bad since I haven't been using very much and I've taken three days in between usage. But, I feel great about my new job. It's very rewarding to go in and make a mess look polished in clean when you're finished. People are quite dirty sometimes. haha

    Anyways, it seems like a lot of DF'ers do the same profession as me. It's interesting because I thought I was the only one slaving away cleaning homes. I really like it though and as I mentioned my mother does it too and she's 61. I don't know how she does it everyday being that age. Both her hips are bothering her she said. I feel bad and wish I had the money to take care of my Mom. But, first I have to take care of me. I have a lot to catch up on financially. I have a lot of work to do to get sober too. I don't even want to get high. This last batch I got I threw it away after one shot. I didn't even want to get high again. So, I sense things are changing inside my head. I am also back to cycling again. I have a ride scheduled for Sunday with my friend. I am looking forward to it.

    THings are good for right now. I hope they steadily improve as time goes on. I know I can do this and I thank all of you guys for your support. I can't do it without you. i don't have anyone where I live to support me so it's nice to come online and read other people's comments and realize I'm not alone. SO many people are battling addiction and heroin addiction at that. It's so hard. But, I'm going to do it. i know I've said that before but I really feel ready. My usage went from everyday to every other day to every third or fourth day now. So, it's getting there. I just have to let it go for good now. With this new job I don't think about H when I am working. i'm not obsessing over it. I feel so busy that I am not thinking of anything actually. It's great.

    Anyways, off to my second job for today. Thanks for being there. Take care.

Comments

  1. Fidget247
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hey Mel,

    As you already know by now, this is one of the hardest things in life to get through. I ended up dumping myself in the middle of nowhere to accomplish this very feat.

    If you do obtain more Klonidine (as mentioned in previous posts & you'll know this from your training) don't relapse with that in your system. I exited rehab early once with plenty on board & woke up locked in a carpark 12 hours later. Xanax help but as you are probably very aware, everything runs out inc. time. Can you take more time off work? When my stash of detox meds ran out I never slept for 7 days (was garbled, delirious & almost felt like I was tripping). This last & final detox (as far as I'm concerned)

    This probably won't console you much but.... movies, movies, movies (preferably with no drugs), mattress on the floor, Sustagen, Hydralite iceblocks, the DF forum & when I got desperate - the point where you think you can't do it anymore.. (weed, mushrooms & alcohol - not that I'm recommending these as constructive alternative's). Was all I could think to do when the panic set in.! Had that daunting realization that I'd covered my bases too well this time & had left no options to explore (other than a 100 + km walk) this certainly worked better than my first attempt in Bali - boy did that go wrong).

    Guess my point is, you may not succeed the first time or even the second but don't give up - giving up. I say this only because of your time factor. I'm guessing turning up for work looking like death warmed up isn't an option, I got to that point a few times & simply had to go back to work. Your usage should have decreased somewhat, duration of time between drinks (so to speak) is longer. It's all going to help.

    Bulging disk wise, have you heard of Lyrica. They put me on it for exposed nerves in my teeth but it drastically reduced my back pain after 1 day. Obviously you need to see a Doctor for this but I couldn't believe the difference it made. Maybe find a Doc away from your local area that you can be honest with.

    Already know your tough, you will get through this - don't stop trying.
    I'm sorry your Family haven't been supportive but you'll find DF members are.

    Best wishes
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