Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
I am focusing on work right now. i'm working seven days a week 6-8 hour days. I am just throwing myself into work. I have a lot to catch up on financially and this job is keeping me sober. I guess my new addiction is work now As far as my future goes. I want to move back to FLorida to be with my family. I have to save a lot of money for the move so that's why I'm working so hard now. My Mom has her own cleaning business there so I can jump right in to help her until I find a good job. Or perhaps I can expand her business? Plenty of options though. But, for right now I have to keep my head above water financially. I wasted so much money on my addiction and now I have a huge loan to pay back with high interest. So yeah, this is my future for right now.
To be honest, I am the happiest I've ever been here in California. I love working for myself. Yes, I'm with a company but I have complete control over what I do. Plus, I have bad social anxiety and this is a great job to have because I don't have to face a lot of people. I just go in people's homes and clean there houses and boom, I'm out the door. I get a sense of satisfaction knowing I left the place sparkling clean. I know it doesn't sound like much of a job but for me right now it's exactly what I need. I need to ease my way back into society and this is a great way to do so. I also plan on getting back on my bike and cycling with my friend. We have a 60 mile ride coming up in September. I am excited for that but I have to get back into shape. I wasn't exercising while I was using… just a run here and there.
I guess you could say that now is my time to catch up on life. I've missed out on so much using. But, my number one priority right now is my job and my finances and my dog. That's all I care about right now well besides my family but I'm not located anywhere near them so I can't focus on them right now. IT's all about taking care of myself right now. I have a lot of work to do and healing to do. Plus, I still don't feel all that well. I don't think about it when I am at work sweating it out. But, when I come home I feel it. It's a mix between acute withdrawals and PAWS, can't explain it really. IT's bearable though. I have to pay my dues, this I know.
Got a tip today at work. I have been getting tips so my Mom said I must be doing a really good job. I'm certainly trying. I have to keep my ratings high and then I get a raise with the company. IT's a good system really. I guess that's all I have to talk about right now is work and sobriety. Sorry if it's annoying. It's the only positive thing going on in my life.
Anyways, thanks for checking up on me Cren. You've been a good friend through all of this and I appreciate your support and all your direct messages. It really helps to know you have other people for support. My family can't really support me because they are so far away and they have their own problems. My Dad has heart and alcohol issues. My grandparents are very old and they need to be taken care of and my Dad's sole focus is on them since they are his parents. He is moving in February and retiring to be with them in southern Florida. My Mom is still working at 61 very hard and is focusing on saving money so she can get her own place. Our plan is to move in together. We both just have to save money in order to do so. So, yeah everyone has there own thing going on so they don't have time to deal with my relapses and all that comes with addiction. I don't expect them to.
I'm going to go take a nap. I have to work again later today. Have a good day all.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 78