Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Thanks for your kind words Charliecat. How are you feeling on this marvelous day.. NOT! I just got home from work and yes my back aches like crazy but I am not going to use. I am going to throw my phone under my bed so I can't even get to it, turn the ringer off so I can't get a text from my dealer and sit here, shut up and be sober. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. Just sit here, shutup and be sober. This is what normal people do right? I want to be a normal person. I've already scrubbed my house from top to bottom so I can' t clean anymore. I will have to just surf the web and watch tv to keep my brain occupied so I don't get tempted to do anything dumb. This guy wants me to come over to his house tonight. He keeps trying to pursue me but I'm not in the mood for dating. I am in no place in life to offer anyone anything. I am a complete disaster and I don't want to ruin anyone else's life. Plus I don't want anyone to touch me. I don't want affection from anyone. I don't want a relationship either. SO yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I won't be going over to his house. I think I will continue to date my dog. IT seems to work out for me much better. He doesn't judge or criticize or try to make out with me when I don't want to. Yep.
Ok, I'm off to do something productive. ANything but use. I will go throw my phone under the bed now. Here goes. Turned off, thrown under bed, complete. Now to hide out on my couch away from the evil heroin dealers. They can't get me now. My mind is made up.
I think I am going crazy. Goodbye.
marathonmel7 added 14 Minutes and 1 Seconds later...
Oh yeah and might I add that I am disgusting now. I am 5'7" and I weigh like 115 pounds maybe. I never eat because i am high. I don't touch food when I am using. It makes me sick. Now my job is so labor intensive I am losing even more weight. I lost my ass, no curve anymore. None of my clothes fit. I am always pulling my pants up. I feel unhealthy. When I do eat it's not really all that healthy. I don't get all the nutrients I need. I hate cooking. I eat out a fair amount when I can afford it. I'd rather someone else make my food and have it be somewhat healthy. I have no fat on me anywhere. It's safe to say I am a ghost. I do have a tan but that's about it. My face is sunken in and there's bags under my eyes. My muscle mass has decreased. I pretty much hate the way I look. I only run like once per week or cycle. I miss working out like I used to. can't do that when I am high. Can't do it when my back hurts as bad as it does either so I am screwed either way you look at it. I guess I will build up my endurance when I am sober again. I need to gain about ten pounds to have my body back and look like a female again. I do get my hair and nails done but that's about the only thing I have going for me. I am ashamed and people must think I am "sick."
marathonmel7 added 1 Minutes and 17 Seconds later...
I am sick, sick in the freaking head.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 80