Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Hey guys I haven't posted in a bit. My grandma passed away so I've been upset about that and I've been working my rear end off. I still haven't taken a day off since I started with the company. I am still struggling with relapse. I was doing good until my grandma died and then I cracked and used. I know that's no excuse and she wouldn't have wanted that for me I just didn't know what to do with all the emotions I had. I just stuffed it away with using. It numbs the pain as we all know. Currently, I am clean and in withdrawals. I only have some stomach issues and I feel really week. I've been taking just 4mgs of lopermide per day. Just enough to keep my guts in check. I don't want to be blowing up my customers toilets after I've cleaned them. Yuck.
Today was a very long day and I'm just now getting home and showered and whatnot. I was cleaning up my own place as well. My dog vomited on my carpet and I can't get the stains out. It just adds to my stress of things. I have light carpet and now there's two stains on them. I'm going to try a different carpet cleaner tomorrow. I know this is stupid but it's this trivial stuff that keeps me unglued. I am a perfectionist and my house reflects that.
I working really hard and I feel that I am shortchanging myself by using. I make money and then I spend that money on getting high. It pretty much sucks but I am not complaining… I take full responsibility for my actions. I will see how I feel tomorrow and hopefully I can get through the day. I only have two jobs tomorrow so I am going to take it easy after they are done.
Anyways, that's all I have to update. I miss my grandma and I'm so sad she passed away. I didn't get to say goodbye. She's in Florida and I'm in California. Too far apart. We did however, speak on the phone when she was in the hospital last time. And she sent me a nice picture of her and my grandfather. At least I have good memories of her. We used to have some great times when I was growing up as a kid. We hung out a lot with them. They are my father's parents.
Ok, I'm going to bed. I am exhausted and I have to be up early for work tomorrow. Have a good day or night depending upon where you all are. I will check in later.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 82