I really need some support, please help me - Part 83

By marathonmel7 · Sep 22, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Well I'm back. I've been using everyday so I felt too ashamed to update my thread. I have some major issues going on. Remember when I got arrested for possession and DUI of heroin? Well I thought my case was dropped. Come to find out it wasn't and they issued a warrant and re-arrested me. I bailed out so now I have a court date for the tenth of October. I am so scared. I am so afraid I am going to have to spend some time in jail. I am working full time and trying to get into an outpatient rehab so that I can show the judge that I'm serious about my sobriety. I am currently trying to detox. It's day 1 for me so I'm not feeling bad yet. I have to take a drug test to show the courts I am clean. SO, I have to do it this time and I'm reaching out for anyone's support. I need it. This is going to be hard. I have to work all week so it's going to be even harder on me physically and mentally.

    I am depressed. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have been clean after I got arrested the first time but I fell right back into this sick ass cycle of using. I keep using and then partially detoxing and then using and then detoxing. I need to get through the detox process and move on with my life. As I have said in the past I look horrible. I want to be healthy again. I went to the grocery store and got some healthy food and I'm drinking a lot of fluids. I'm ready to do this. I know I've said that before but I feel helpless right now. I am going to take control of my life though before this addiction takes everything away from me. I have a good job and good family although they are miles away. I have support I just have to do this now.

    I just wanted to update my thread because I need support and I feel a lot of guilt and shame right now. I am so scared of my future and that I will be sent to jail. It's my first offense but now I am a convicted felon. I went from being a super successful person with plenty of money to a total loser within a few years time. I should have never left the military even though I have PTSD.

    I just contacted an addiction specialist and I go and see her Friday. I'm hoping this is the start of a good and full recovery. I'm ready. Things have to change and I'm going to stop hating myself because it's not helping things. It's making things worse. So, I'm reaching out yet again. I need you DF.

Comments

  1. Fidget247
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hi Mel,

    Hang in there! Sounds like you're heading in the right direction with the specialist. Hopefully they will be able to help with your court case too.

    Do you think your PTSD plays a role in your relapsing? Perhaps the specialist can look into this so that your only tackling one problem at a time. You may be able to identify some of the triggers that cause you to use.

    Will keep my fingers crossed for you with the court case, hopefully they can take into account your military service, your desire to rid yourself of heroin & help you move forward.

    Know it's a hard road sweetie but I've been reading your posts & know your made of tough stuff. You can do this! Sometimes we only succeed when are back's are against the wall. Let go of the shame, you have felt the pride that comes from staying clean before, look forward to it again.

    I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. Good luck & keep us updated.

    x
  2. rapter
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hang in there, Take it my day my day.
    Slowing work your day's of.
  3. tryhard
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    A mate ,, I had a date with the law a few years ago, , and upon the bad news of impending jail time ,,, I found an adiction group ,,,called Back In Control ,,, I completed this a I got a certificate to show the corts ,, this one simple act saved my ass from a 6×9 room of my own , if u get my drift. ....

    Look around see if you can find some type of thing you can do to show the law that you are trying off your own back ,over here that look very hi, ly at that type of shit ,,, gose a long way to show you are capable of doing things yourself. ...

    Goodluck with it mate , but if it's your first offence and you have served the people and your country ....
    over down here ,first offence you would not be worried at all ,, a fine for the dui bit and some type of rehab based program or coarse enforced by the courts. .....

    Mate use the ptsd as much as you can and where and how it occured ...
    My wishes are with you ,, you try to relax and take soon time for yourself , do it mate. .....

    When I started writing this no one has replyed ,, I see a few have ,, good to see ,, there's nothing like the feeling of getting help when you put yourself out there and ask. .....
    Good on ya MEL.... And good on us DF. ......

    GOOD LUCK AGAIN MY FRIEND.....
    HUGS IN DIGITAL is all I got. ...
    ANDREW
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