Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Well I'm back. I've been using everyday so I felt too ashamed to update my thread. I have some major issues going on. Remember when I got arrested for possession and DUI of heroin? Well I thought my case was dropped. Come to find out it wasn't and they issued a warrant and re-arrested me. I bailed out so now I have a court date for the tenth of October. I am so scared. I am so afraid I am going to have to spend some time in jail. I am working full time and trying to get into an outpatient rehab so that I can show the judge that I'm serious about my sobriety. I am currently trying to detox. It's day 1 for me so I'm not feeling bad yet. I have to take a drug test to show the courts I am clean. SO, I have to do it this time and I'm reaching out for anyone's support. I need it. This is going to be hard. I have to work all week so it's going to be even harder on me physically and mentally.
I am depressed. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have been clean after I got arrested the first time but I fell right back into this sick ass cycle of using. I keep using and then partially detoxing and then using and then detoxing. I need to get through the detox process and move on with my life. As I have said in the past I look horrible. I want to be healthy again. I went to the grocery store and got some healthy food and I'm drinking a lot of fluids. I'm ready to do this. I know I've said that before but I feel helpless right now. I am going to take control of my life though before this addiction takes everything away from me. I have a good job and good family although they are miles away. I have support I just have to do this now.
I just wanted to update my thread because I need support and I feel a lot of guilt and shame right now. I am so scared of my future and that I will be sent to jail. It's my first offense but now I am a convicted felon. I went from being a super successful person with plenty of money to a total loser within a few years time. I should have never left the military even though I have PTSD.
I just contacted an addiction specialist and I go and see her Friday. I'm hoping this is the start of a good and full recovery. I'm ready. Things have to change and I'm going to stop hating myself because it's not helping things. It's making things worse. So, I'm reaching out yet again. I need you DF.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 83