I really need some support, please help me - Part 88

By marathonmel7 · Oct 4, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Well today it's been 36 hours since my last heroin use. I'm not feeling too well and cravings are intense. Instead of caving in and buying heroin I bought 30mgs of methadone to help me titrate my withdrawals. I also took a 2mg Xanax bar to help with my restless body and my anxiety. But pills I got from my dealer. I was truly surprised I didn't cave in and get H. I want to be clean though. I want this monkey off my back as they all say.

    A friend and I on DF are doing the same thing at the same time. It helps to have that constant support via text message. When I was feeling like caving tonight he helped me get through it and I didn't pick up. This is the longest I've had sober in awhile. I feel a small sense of acomplishment. I'm rying anyways.

    My symptoms are extreme body temperatures from hot uncomfortable flashes to prickly cold skin from
    goose bumps. This is my least favorite symptom and one that usually makes me relapse. I feel like I'm
    gonna do it this time. I'm sweaty and smelly yet can't stand the thought of getting cold in the shower. I don't have the energy anyways.

    Tomorrow I'm off work and man am I happy. I just want to rest in the mornings and not have to wake up at a certain time. I want to veg out! Ha!

    I hate sweating in withdrawals. It makes me really angry to not be in a comfortable temperature and that's what makes me relapse every time the insomnia. I got the Xanax and ambien for the difficulties in sleep so hopefully that helps plus hydroxizine. Which I'm not sure the latter works. I will let you know.

    I'm looking forward to sobriety. I want to change these things in my life for once and for all. I'm so exhausted right now. I took 10mgs of ambien, 50 mgs of hydroxizine and 2mg Xanax bars. I'm hoping that knocks me out. At least the methadone took my major symptoms away.

    Anyways I also went to drug counseling this morning and that was interesting. I'm trying to show the judge that I am doing better and I hope I will get the lightest sentence. I hope they drop my case which I doubt will happen. So ashamed I am of myself. I had every thing before I started heroin.

    So I will keep updating my thread. I want to continue on. Sorry if the message got a little weird but I'm on my cell phone so it's harder to write. Will write more later. Hope I can sleep tonight.

    Thank you for reading. I will continue to update daily until this addiction is beat! And yes I've been on benzos before and the Z drugs and I fully understand at what I'm getting into. So thanks for the premature responses.
    I appreciate any and all help.

Comments

  1. curiousonlooker
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    That's so encouraging to hear, Mel! Also really glad you have a day off tomorrow! Best of luck, stay strong in your resolve and think on a beautiful bike ride, but how you must first acclimate to the road and body position.
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