Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Well, I was almost to three days and I relapsed. I did more than relapse though… I OD'd. This morning I went to prepare a shot and overestimated my tolerance and sometime after my injection, I passed out and fell in the bathroom hitting my head on the wall. I was out a good while because I felt as though I was dreaming and my mind was still going but my body wasn't moving. I finally awoke to find a syringe in my hand and my spoon on the floor along with my tie on my arm. My heart was beating really fast and I was sweaty and shaky. This is embarrassing to admit but I think it finally hit me that I'm going to kill myself if I keep this behavior up. So, I promptly threw away the rest of my stash. It scared me. That's not the first time this is happened but it hasn't happened in awhile. I haven't had a tolerance that low in awhile.
I feel like I'm floating today like my body and brain are disconnected from reality. I think that is still the high wearing off. I went to work today but I don't really remember my day otherwise. That's not a good life to lead. I'm sure someone will comment on my thread and shun me for my use and I deserve it. But, I had to be honest and get this out. I know I am dumb and what I did was even dumber. I didn't intend on OD'ing. I just wanted to get high again. I don't even know why I relapsed, I was doing so well.
My friend that's getting sober with me relapsed as well and so we are both starting over again. I don't really know what else to say. I know I made a stupid mistake and I know I've hit rock bottom and I'm worried I'm going to jail on Friday. I'm extremely stressed out right now. I'm afraid of everything and I'm full of anxiety. I feel horrible. I just want my life back.
I just want to lead a happy, normal life not waiting for my next high from my stupid dealer who has power over me right now. He knows it too. I want my life back. I meet with my drug counselor and my psychiatrist on Thursday and then I go to court on Friday. I'm so scared. I don't want to deal with either days. I don't like talking about my problems to my health care professionals and especially together. They want to "meet with me" or so they say.
Whoever reads this I just want to say that I know I'm throwing my life away and I know that my actions are stupid and reckless. I know I have a long ways to go to get my life in order. I am willing to do the work and I scared myself today. I don't want to go to jail and I just want to go back to my sober days. I want to be healthy again. I want, I want, I want.
marathonmel7 added 0 Minutes and 42 Seconds later...
Day 1 starts over now...
I really need some support, please help me - Part 90