I really need some support, please help me - Part 91

By marathonmel7 · Oct 9, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Well I didn't think things in my life could get any worse but they just did. I lost my job last night. I've been too depressed to post although I've been reading a lot on the forums in need of support. I am at the lowest point of my life right now. I have nothing but two hundred dollars left to make it. I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably apply for another loan. I'm in serious debt anyways.

    The only good news is I am on day three of my detox. I was totally clean but today I decided to take 4mg of suboxone around noon. It helped me immensely as I was in so much pain. I just took 2 more mgs this evening. Tomorrow I plan on just taking 2mgs and then after that, nothing. I don't know how well of a taper that is but I am going to get through this.

    Heroin has taken everything from me. I am done. Losing my job was the final straw. I have nothing to live for except my dog. He's what's keeping me afloat. I know he depends on me so I have to try to make it out of this hole or a life. I can't believe how bad my life is right now.

    I am two days away from going to court. I go Friday. Everyone I know says I'm not going to be sent to jail but I am expecting the worst so I can prepare myself. For the first time offense my dealer thinks I will get off easy or at most get probation. I'd be happy with probation. Anything but going to jail.

    I am going to take a xanax here in a few hours and try to sleep and calm down. I am very upset right now so much that I can't even think to type this post. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with my drug counselor and my psychiatrist and I don't feel like hearing their shit. I really don't want to go but I want the judge to see that I am in counseling. The courts can test me too because by Friday I will have a clean tox screen.

    So, if anyone is out there I could use the support now more than ever. I don't know where my next dime is going to come from. I am looking for another job but it takes time. I don't know what to do right now. I can't even type anymore….

Comments

  1. jennifer_k
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    I've been following along here for a bit.

    Sorry to read you lost your job, but I am very happy to read you are taking the suboxone. To me, it shows you are willing to try something different in order to reach your goal of complete sobriety. You've been on this roller coaster of WD, dope sickness, and relapse for entirely too long. I really think you are making the right choice using the suboxone.

    If your test is dirty, perhaps you can ask for treatment rather than jail time? Maybe that is something to discuss with the psychiatrist ... now that you do not have the job, you are in a position to dedicate all of your energy into a recovery plan. From my experience, just being sober is not enough for addicts and alcoholics. People like us require a plan in order to maintain our sobriety.
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