Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.
Well, I am doing ok. I am clean finally. I am at the point where I feel ok. I haven't had any dope in about four or five days now. Everyday gets better. I have no energy and I am sweating at night with insomnia but that's all just part of it. I can't expect to be over this in this amount of time.
I'm working hard to find another job. I cannot go without a job. I'm so lucky because my parents have stepped up and are helping me get through this really difficult time. My dad gave me some much needed money and my mom is paying some of my basic bills. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'd be sitting in my apartment with no electricity and no food.
I can't believe it's gotten down to this. This is rock bottom truly. I'm in so much debt and this DUi is costing me even more. I feel like I am at the bottom of a hole. I feel like it's going to be so much work to get back up again standing tall and proud. The holidays are approaching and I want to be at home with my family. Lately, I've been thinking about what's important in life. Family and friends are everything and my dog of course. Without that life is nothing.
I have to go to court in two weeks. I am hoping that they will reduce my punishment even more although I'm pretty sure they won't. I feel like I got hit pretty hard even though I didn't get any jail time. I think it's dumb that I have to pay all this money. How is that going to help anyone?
Anyways, going to try and do some laundry. I am trying to get caught up on everything since I've been sick. I cleaned my bathroom already this morning. Haven't got around to the rest.
I feel like my head is clearing. My cravings are a little bit better everyday. I will say this. I am taking a 1mg piece of suboxone when i get really bad cravings. I have barely taken any though. Just when I get a bad feeling like I'm going to cave in.
I was so happy though yesterday my dealer and I got into it. I ended up telling him off. It felt so good that I'm not underneath his control anymore. I feel liberated like he doesn't own me. I feel like I can sustain life without him. So, things are looking up.
The main goals right now are getting my temporary license so I can drive and also to get a job so I can afford to take care of my most basic needs. I'm so scared to get on the road right now. It would be my luck that I get pulled over or someone hits me or something. I am terrified to drive for fear of getting arrested again. So, I have to figure out how to fix this problem. I have to call the DMV and find out what I need to do to get my driving privileges to and from work and to and from my classes.
I don't wish this problem on my worst enemy. I finally have a hate/hate relationship with heroin. It has ruined everything and I won't let it take away my family or my apartment, car and dog. I will not be homeless. Everyday is getting better.
Thanks everyone for your support. It is imperative that I have support in these dark, dark times. My heart goes out to the other addicts struggling. This is such a fight.
I really need some support, please help me - Part 94