I really need some support, please help me - Part 94

By marathonmel7 · Oct 13, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Well, I am doing ok. I am clean finally. I am at the point where I feel ok. I haven't had any dope in about four or five days now. Everyday gets better. I have no energy and I am sweating at night with insomnia but that's all just part of it. I can't expect to be over this in this amount of time.

    I'm working hard to find another job. I cannot go without a job. I'm so lucky because my parents have stepped up and are helping me get through this really difficult time. My dad gave me some much needed money and my mom is paying some of my basic bills. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'd be sitting in my apartment with no electricity and no food.

    I can't believe it's gotten down to this. This is rock bottom truly. I'm in so much debt and this DUi is costing me even more. I feel like I am at the bottom of a hole. I feel like it's going to be so much work to get back up again standing tall and proud. The holidays are approaching and I want to be at home with my family. Lately, I've been thinking about what's important in life. Family and friends are everything and my dog of course. Without that life is nothing.

    I have to go to court in two weeks. I am hoping that they will reduce my punishment even more although I'm pretty sure they won't. I feel like I got hit pretty hard even though I didn't get any jail time. I think it's dumb that I have to pay all this money. How is that going to help anyone?

    Anyways, going to try and do some laundry. I am trying to get caught up on everything since I've been sick. I cleaned my bathroom already this morning. Haven't got around to the rest.

    I feel like my head is clearing. My cravings are a little bit better everyday. I will say this. I am taking a 1mg piece of suboxone when i get really bad cravings. I have barely taken any though. Just when I get a bad feeling like I'm going to cave in.

    I was so happy though yesterday my dealer and I got into it. I ended up telling him off. It felt so good that I'm not underneath his control anymore. I feel liberated like he doesn't own me. I feel like I can sustain life without him. So, things are looking up.

    The main goals right now are getting my temporary license so I can drive and also to get a job so I can afford to take care of my most basic needs. I'm so scared to get on the road right now. It would be my luck that I get pulled over or someone hits me or something. I am terrified to drive for fear of getting arrested again. So, I have to figure out how to fix this problem. I have to call the DMV and find out what I need to do to get my driving privileges to and from work and to and from my classes.

    I don't wish this problem on my worst enemy. I finally have a hate/hate relationship with heroin. It has ruined everything and I won't let it take away my family or my apartment, car and dog. I will not be homeless. Everyday is getting better.

    Thanks everyone for your support. It is imperative that I have support in these dark, dark times. My heart goes out to the other addicts struggling. This is such a fight.

Comments

  1. Squizz
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    .............Why don't you go to detox and then rehab? Just out of curiosity.
  2. Loveluck29
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hi Mel, I just caught up on your journal, and I wanted to let you know that your story has really touched me I am really praying for you to get through this.

    It was heartbreaking to read some of your posts regarding your impending court date, losing your job, financial issues, your journal has really touched me on a far deeper level that any others I have read on df.

    Through everything, your love for you dog really shines through. I have a little one as well (a chihuahua) and she is everything to me as well. I'm happy to hear that you love her so much and have her there to help you through this.

    You are so self aware and know exactly what you need to do to beat this, however due to this strong addiction you have had major struggles along the way. You are so much more clear headed than 99 percent of those attempting recovery that it boggles my mind. It really shows just how much damage this drug is capable of doing, even to the strongest people.

    Your desire to get clean and not giving up is so encouraging to see. No matter what has happened you have not lost sight of your ultimate goal. You have faced more in the past few months that anyone I can think of... All in the most difficult time of your life. Because of this, I have absolutely no doubt that you are going to beat this. You are on the right track Hun! Most people going through all that you have recently would have given up and fell further in to the addiction. Through all of this you still have hope and determination which is absolutely amazing. You are such a strong person! Don't ever forget that!

    You are going to come out on the other end of this, and things are going to get better for you. With all of the skills, drive and smarts you possess you will rebuild your life and get back all that has been taken from this horrible substance. One day at a time, keep up your determination and soon this part of your life is going to seem like a bad dream that you have awakened from.

    I'm really routing for you and know you are capable of staying clean.
  3. babyblue87
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Hi Mel

    I have been reading for awhile and just wanted to tell you your much stronger than you think!

    When you make a mistake you own it and get right on with it ! That's what makes you awesome. That's what I call a survivor, you really determent to kick your habit and I have all the faith in you.

    Thanks for sharing your sometimes heartbreaking stories. In the end you will make it, this journal will be beneficial for other people as well.


    Know that your an intelligent, worthy human being Mel

    I am cheering for you and wish you all the best :)
  4. Booty love
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Glad to hear about dodging jail time. But lets be honest, addiction is its own prison. I really hope you can find the strength to get your ass clean for life. I feel like, if i did it, then so can you..... and it makes me angry to see people fail. i really hope this time, that this drugs forum opiate addiction journal, has a happy ending. i haven't seen any yet. i really hope mel, that yous will be the first one i will read. Keep positive and remember, one day at a time, or look at it like basic, one meal at a time, or jail...jail too is alot like basic, way more boring though. basic wasn't boring at all. terrifying!! good day and good luck mel!
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